TO&TFTBG

Moved

2009-03-18T00:42:00.002-04:00

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... to the Piney Woods.

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MEME of the Week (I've got nuttin')

2009-02-03T11:57:00.004-05:00

What I’ve Yet To Do:

11. Bungee jump. Wouldn’t this be a rush!
12. Visit Paris.
15. Adopt a child.
17. Walk to the top of the Statue of Liberty. I’ve ridden by it on the “Beasty Boat.” That’s probably as close as I’ll ever get.
18. Grow my own vegetables. Get serious! No desire.
19. See the Mona Lisa in France. See #12. Never been to Paris.
27. Run a marathon. I once ran a 5K. I can’t run more than a mile these days.
28. Ride in a gondola in Venice. Never been to Venice.
31. Hit a home run. Again, get serious; I was known as a “sure strike out” in junior high.
36. Teach myself a new language. I’ve only been taught by others.
38. See the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person. Never been to Pisa.
42. See Old Faithful geyser erupt.
44. Visit Africa. I would love to. I’d actually love to work in Africa for a year or so.
47. Have my portrait painted. Why would I do this?
50. Go to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris. See #12. Never been to Paris.
56. Visit the Great Wall of China. I really have no interest in going to China.
58. Take a martial arts class. No interest. I did take a nude yoga class once.
59. Visit Russia. Maybe someday, but I’ve got a lot of other places I’d like to go first.
63. Get flowers for no reason. I’d be glad to give you my address.
64. Donate blood, platelets or plasma.
65. Go sky diving. I’d love to.
66. Visit a Nazi concentration camp. But I’ve seen a lot of movies about ‘em. Unbelievable.
67. Bounce a check. Thank you for overdraft protection.
74. Tour the Everglades. Joe?
77. Break a bone. I think I might have broken my toe once, but I never went to the doctor.
83. Walk in Jerusalem. Again, it’s WAY DOWN on my list of things to do.
85. Read the entire Bible. And to think that I've got a 10-year perfect attendance pin for Sunday School attendance.
89. Save someone’s life.
90. Sit on a jury. But I did sit through an eight-week trial; God bless the jury.
92. Join a book club.
96. Swim in the Great Salt Lake. I thought you just floated in the Great Salt Lake.

Been There, Done That
(Interestingly, it's a pretty inconsequential list.)

1. Started my own blog.
2. Slept under the stars.
3. Played in a band.
4. Visited Hawaii.
5. Watched a meteor shower.
6. Gave more than you can afford to charity.
7. Been to Disney World and Disney Land.
8. Climbed a mountain.
9. Held a praying mantis.
10. Sang a solo.
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea.
14. Taught myself an art from scratch.
16. Had food poisoning.
20. Slept on an overnight train.
21. Had a pillow fight.
22. Hitch-hiked.
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill.
24. Built a snow fort.
25. Held a lamb.
26. Gone skinny dipping. Absolutely love it!
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset.
32. Been on a cruise.
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person.
34. Visited the birthplace of my ancestors.
35. Been to an Amish community.
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied.
39. Gone rock climbing.
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David.
41. Sung karaoke. And been ridiculed. Never again!
43. Bought a stranger a meal in a restaurant.
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight.
46. Been transported in an ambulance.
48. Gone deep sea fishing.
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person.
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling.
52. Kissed in the rain.
53. Played in the mud.
54. Gone to a drive-in theater.
55. Been in a movie.
57. Started a business.
60. Served at a soup kitchen.
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies.
62. Gone whale watching.
68. Flown in a helicopter.
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy.
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial.
71. Eaten caviar.
72. Pieced a quilt.
73. Stood in Times Square.
75. Been fired from a job. Laid off/replaced ... same thing.
76. Seen the changing of the guard in London.
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle.
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person.
80. Published a book.
81. Visited the Vatican.
82. Bought a brand new car.
84. Had your picture in the newspaper.
86. Visited the White House.
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating.
88. Had chickenpox.
91. Met someone famous.
93. Lost a loved one.
94. Had a baby.
95. Seen the Alamo in person.
97. Been involved in a lawsuit.
98. Owned a cell phone.
99. Been stung by a bee.

Slumdog Millionaire

2009-02-03T10:14:00.000-05:00

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Have you seen it?

Wow! A gut-wrencher and a tear-jerker, all rolled into one.

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Don't we all?

2008-10-13T16:18:00.001-04:00

I think about it all the time.
I just don't talk about it.

- Justin

Everyday, we hope for what we still can't see.

2008-10-11T15:54:00.002-04:00

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I've spent the entire last week watching Wall Street, to the point of being obsessive about it. While it's probably not as bad as it seems (less than 15% of my portfolio -- whoops, now 9% -- is invested in equities), it's left me with the continuing thought that I'll never have enough money to enjoy retirement. And, that the best part of my life is gone. (But what a life it's been!)

Last night I saw a story on TV about joining the Peace Corp after you're fifty. It's not a bad idea. I'll think about it.

About a year ago I posted this song by Josh Groban. I thought it was meaningful to listen to it again. (Go ahead, listen to the song, read the lyrics. And smile.)

It's up to us to be the change.

- Josh Groban
Thankful

Somedays, we forget to look around us,
Somedays, we can't see the joy that surrounds us,
So caught up inside ourselves,
We take when we should give.
So for tonight we pray for,
What we know can be,
And on this day we hope for,
What we still can't see.

It's up to us, to be the change,
And even though we all can still do more,
There's so much to be thankful for.

Look beyond ourselves,
There's so much sorrow,
It's way too late to say, I'll cry tomorrow.
Each of us must find our truth,
It's so long overdue.

So for tonight we pray for,
What we know can be,
And everyday, we hope for,
What we still can't see.
It's up to us, to be the change,
And even though we all can still do more,
There's so much to be thankful for.

Even with our differences,
There is a place we're all connected,
Each of us can find each others light.

So for tonight, we pray for
What we know can be,
And on this day, we hope for,
What we still can't see.
It's up to us, to be the change,
And even though this world needs so much more
There's so much to be thankful for.

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Out 'til the middle of September.

2008-08-21T14:03:00.004-04:00

It's going to be another one of those epics, seeing family and my best friend from first grade.

I remember when Calvin Klein ads were risqué.

2008-08-15T15:44:00.007-04:00

This billboard is for Joe's Jeans.
I think he apparently lost them.

He must have lost his underwear, too.

UPDATE:
Of course I went to the website. I wanted to see what the pretty lady was looking at. Apparently they don't sell underwear. But you can buy a t-shirt for $58. And even living in the boonies like I do, I found out that there's a store that sells Joe's Jeans less than six blocks from where I live. Lucky me.

UPDATE #2:
Now I hear that Joe's Jeans are big at Macy's. However I don't know if you can see Joe's ass there.

Confession is Good for the Soul

2008-08-05T07:36:00.006-04:00

Edward Norton, Keeping the Faith, 2000*

Nervous about hearing confessions, the young new priest asks an older priest to sit in on his sessions. The new priest hears several confessions, then the old priest asks him to step out of the confessional for a few suggestions.

The old priest suggests, "Cross your arms over your chest and rub your chin with one hand." The new priest tries this.

The old priest continues, "Try saying things like, 'I see, yes, go on, and I understand, how did you feel about that?" The new priest says those things, trying them out.

Then the old priest says, "Now, don't you think that's a little better than slapping your knee and saying, 'No way! What happened next?'"

*I never saw this movie, I have no idea what it's about.

Therapy.

2008-08-02T09:09:00.007-04:00

Sometimes you just need
to take a nap and get over it.

- Maura Stuard, age 8

Reality.

2008-07-26T10:46:00.006-04:00

How many legs does a dog have
if you call the tail a leg?

Four.
Calling a tail a leg
doesn't make it a leg.

~Abraham Lincoln

At times, it slaps us in the face.

How true, how true.

2008-07-13T09:17:00.003-04:00

Here's something to remember
when you're older Thomas -
never pass up a bathroom, never waste a hard-on,
and never trust a fart.

- Edward Cole (Jack Nicholson)
Bucket List

(My shorts are in the washing machine right now.)

The Power of Emotion

2008-06-30T10:19:00.004-04:00

Change that ignores the heart will seldom transform the life.

- Paul David Tripp

Let Them Eat Cake

2008-06-17T16:57:00.009-04:00

The most sacred business
of judges is not to ratify the will
of the majority,
but to protect the minority
from its tyranny.

- Anna Quindlen, The Same People
Newsweek, June 9, 2008

(Read the rest of the article here.)

Thoughts from Abe, 145 Years Ago

2008-06-09T10:58:00.008-04:00

Fourscore and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent, a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.

- Abraham Lincoln, November 19, 1863

Two years ago, I clearly remember Kelly Stern's first pride photo. At the time, I was just starting to learn what blogs were all about. I was amazed at the connection of so many around blogland to join in Kelly's challenge. Last year I posted the second photo in the series on my site, too. This year I'm glad to join in again. I painfully recognize the need -- while we all may be created equal, many are discriminated daily in a number of ways. Fortunately, I believe that change for the good is happening.

To participate in Kelly's current challenge, go here.

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One Step Away From Clueless

2008-05-18T08:41:00.009-04:00

Life is a roller coaster,
and sometimes they throw in
a loop-de-loop.

-Tonya Harding

Duh.

(And with comments like this, she gets a book published?)

- Paul

For Better or Worse.

2008-05-11T10:00:00.003-04:00

I think a lot of times
divorce can be like circumcision
with a weed whacker.

- Robin Williams to Ellen DeGeneres
5/3/2008

Gosh, that's gotta hurt.

- Paul

Don't We All?

2008-05-05T07:48:00.006-04:00

I just wish that I could fast-forward through my life and see that everything ends up OK.

- Susan Mayer
Desperate Housewives, May 4, 2008

Love in a Paper Cup

2008-04-27T08:00:00.003-04:00

There will never be a day
when I don't need cupcakes.

Betty Suarez
Ugly Betty, April 24, 2008

The Perfect Date

2008-04-20T03:42:00.002-04:00

Miss Rhode Island,
describe your perfect date.

- MC

That's a tough one. I'd hafta say April 25th ... because it's not too hot, not too cold. All you need is a light jacket.

- Cheryl, Miss Rhode Island

from Miss Congeniality, 2000

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Is Justice Ever Served?

2008-04-15T08:16:00.006-04:00

Every story has three sides.
Yours, mine and the facts.

- Foster Russell

* * *

6 Years, 4 months and 25 days ago my best friend at work was murdered by his wife.

She was eventually tried and found guilty. Yesterday the U.S. Supreme Court declined to hear her appeal, thus upholding her conviction and sentence.

She is the State’s only female inmate on death row. But, I assume, she won’t be there much longer.

I'm not sure how I feel about this news. He and I had worked together for thirteen years. I still think of him almost daily. And of his wife. And of their two kids, now 17 and 13 years old.

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Not Tagged, But Playing Along.

2008-04-12T21:46:00.016-04:00

(Just following Cooper's lead.)

Total Score

14 -- No
38 -- Yes

1). Taken a picture completely naked? No. I'm not really sure if this is questioning whether or not I've taken a photograph while naked, or rather had one taken of me when naked. I know of several photos of me in which I'm only wearing shoes (see #29).

2). Made out with a friend from MySpace/Facebook? No. Am I the only one without a page on MySpace or Facebook?

3). Danced in front of your mirror naked? Yes.

4). Told a lie? Yes.

5). Had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back? Yes.

6). Been arrested? No. Having to go to traffic court was bad enough (see #15).

7). Made out with someone of the same sex? Yes.

8). Seen someone die? Yes. In a car accident. It was not a pleasant experience; I still have flash-backs occasionally.

9). Slept in until 5 P.M.? Yes.

10). Had sex at work? Yes. By myself, in the restroom.

11). Fallen asleep at work/school? At work, yes. At school, yes.

12). Held a snake? Yes. And I hated it. Even snakes in cages scare me.

13). Ran a red light? Yes. Not on purpose, but I admit that I'm sometimes careless.

14). Been suspended from school? No. I never even got sent to the Principal's office.

15). Wrecked your car in an accident? Yes. Two days after I got my license.

16). Pole danced? No.

17). Smoked? Yes.

18). Been fired from a job? Laid-off ... pretty much the same thing.

19). Sang karaoke? Yes. Only once. Tried to sing Mack the Knife. I was laughed at.

20). Done something you told yourself you wouldn’t? Yes. Often. "I will not eat another piece of cake until I loose ten pounds."

21). Laughed until a drink came out of your nose? Yes.

22). Caught a snowflake on your tongue? Yes.

23). Kissed in the rain? Yes.

24). Sang in the shower? Yes. Alone, and with friends. I don't believe that I've ever been laughed at while singing in the shower.

25). Given your private parts a nickname? No. But you're welcome to call it anything you'd like. I'm pretty clinical about such things; I usually call it "my penis."

26). Ever gone out without underwear? Yes. Somewhat regularly. But rarely without pants.

27). Sat on a rooftop? Yes.

28). Broken a bone? No.

29). Mooned/flashed someone? Yes. Streaking was very popular when I was in college.

30). Shaved your head? No.

31). Slept naked? Yes. And I love it.

32). Played a prank on someone? Yes.

33). Had a gym membership? Yes.

34). Felt like killing someone? Not that I can actually remember.

35). Made your girlfriend/boyfriend cry? Yes. I've been a jerk more than once.

36). Cried over someone you were in love with? Yes.

37). Had sex more than 10 times in one day? Yes.

38). Had Mexican Jumping Beans for pets? Yes.

39). Been in a band? Yes.

40). Subscribed to Maxim? Yes. But didn't renew the subscription.

41). Taken more than 10 shots of alcohol? Yes. I lived in a fraternity house for three years.

42). Shot a gun? Yes. I grew up in rural Texas, where everyone has a gun rack in their pickup truck.

43). Had sex today? No.

44). Played strip poker? Yes.

45). Tripped on mushrooms? No. I've never even seen any big enough to trip over.

46). Donated blood? No. I'm afraid of needles.

47). Video-taped yourself having sex? No.

48). Eaten alligator meat? Yes.

49). Eaten frog legs? Yes.

50). Jumped out of an airplane? No.

51). Been to more than 10 countries? Yes.

52). Ever wanted to have sex with a platonic friend? Yes. Right now, as a matter of fact.

I believe that #1, #16, and #47 must be related somehow. I really need to do something about #43.

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A slap in the face.

2008-01-21T00:01:00.001-05:00

It was a comment I can’t even trace. The links go nowhere.

It was something said by someone I don’t know. A faceless name in blogland. SiteMeter left no clues.

Saturday evening, Mark, a frequent visitor recently, left a comment in response to my post titled "Sport-Sex and Disco Dancing."

In this post I was – once again – fantasizing about the past.

Mark simply asked, “What is expanding your horizons currently?”

I don’t know if Mark was being glib, or astute. But Mark’s curt question was something that I needed to hear. It was absolutely the right question to ask. The answer is somewhere between nothing and not much.

I believe that as soon as we stop having a desire to learn new things, and to have new experiences, we stop living and start dying.

This is the week.

* * *

“He had fun everyday
of his life.”

- Suzanne Pleshette,
commenting about
her husband Tom Poston.

(Mark, if you read this, please email me.)

Going to the Dogs

2008-01-18T00:03:00.001-05:00

TGIF

Pocket Pool?

2008-01-16T11:11:00.001-05:00

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"Whoever said, 'It's not whether you win or lose that counts,' probably lost."

— Martina Navratilova

Baghdatis over Johansson
7-6 (7-5), 6-2, 3-6, 6-3
Australian Open - 1st Round
15 January, 2008

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Sport-Sex and Disco Dancing

2008-01-14T00:02:00.000-05:00

People, events and things
that have affected my life.
#1.

How did I ever end up in the choir? Simple answer really: the choir director – who was friends with my university band director – heard that I had just moved to the city, called me, and asked me to join.

Funny thing is, I really can’t sing very well. Yes, I love to sing in the shower where there are great acoustics. But, I’ve only got a clear range of less than an octave. And I have to carefully listen to the singer next to me to stay on-pitch.

I was a member of this choir for almost three years. Every Sunday morning we sang religious music as part of a live radio program, however it wasn’t the Mormon Tabernacle Choir by any means. While we were accompanied by one of the “great organs” of the city, the choir was relatively small. There were only about forty singers. Eight soloists were paid professionals. Most of the other choir members were students at one of the city’s well-known music conservatories.

Two things about this choir:

First, it was sexually active.

And it wasn’t just the soprano soloist that was married to one of the basses. The organist was sleeping with one of the tenors. Another tenor was doing two of the contraltos, on alternate nights. One of the baritones was doing one of the basses. There was this one soprano that was doing every guy in the choir that was willing to drop his zipper. And I was doing the mezzo-soprano soloist.

It was the first time I’d ever heard of the term “sport fucking.” I grew up believing that “good kids” waited. And until this time, I was a “good kid.” Interestingly, I’d never been very interested in most sports before.

Secondly, this group could really dance.

Many Wednesday nights after practice we’d go dancing. There was this one club in the city where the disco music of the mid-70’s ruled – Evelyn King, Tavares, Bee Gees, Grace Jones, Gloria Gaynor, the Village People, Sylvester, the Jackson 5, and of course Donna Summer. I clearly remember how my whole body could feel the crushing sound system. And there was magic in the lighted dance floor; it seemed to provide a sense of rhythm I’d never known before. We’d stay as late as the DJ would spin the records.

My days living in the city were an important part of my life, and being a member of this choir was a significant part of it. Not only did I enjoy the music, but also, the camaraderie gave me friends and a sense of belonging that I would never have had otherwise. To say the least, it expanded my horizons.

I often wonder how I ever made it to work – on-time and alert – on Thursdays. It was a job that required starched white shirts and grey pin-stripped suits (where even Brooks Brothers was considered just a little too flashy).

I was obviously younger then.

I am no longer part of any choir. I still regularly go to church. Josh Groban I’m not.

I rarely danced before becoming a part of this group, and I never dance now. I doubt that I'll ever be confused with Tony Manero.

* * *

(This may become a regular series of this blog. We’ll just have to see how I’m inspired. However, it’s unlikely that it will be publicly archived.)

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Promises, Promises

2008-01-11T00:05:00.001-05:00

You can't build a reputation
on what you are going to do.

- Henry Ford

TGIF

Reality TV

2008-01-08T22:44:00.001-05:00

From (a rerun this week of) Two and a Half Men

Sharon:

[Alan,] You're a very nice guy.

Alan:

Oh, God. That's worse. You know what they say about nice guys.

Sharon:

Yes, they finish last.

Alan:

No, they finish in the shower.

Who Knew?

2008-01-07T09:22:00.001-05:00

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Saying what we think gives us a wider conversational range than saying what we know.

- Cullen Hightower

I assume that it's art.

- Paul

Brown Nosing The Boss

2007-12-15T08:42:00.002-05:00

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And Everyone Would Have A Friend

2007-12-13T14:12:00.001-05:00

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For the past few weeks, the number of guests we've served at the soup kitchen has been significantly smaller. Down 50-60% from just a month ago, and 70-80% lower than our highs during the summer.

We're perplexed -- wondering where all the regular guests have gone. (Our number of guests is always higher during the summer, when we tend to have more families.)

It's not like the economy is booming and they've all gotten jobs. For the most part, we serve the unemployable.

It's not like it's too cold for them to get out. A lot of them are out all night already. For the last two weeks, we've had several show up an hour before we open for breakfast, hoping that we can put them to work (and let them in out of the snow).

It's unlikely that they've moved south for warmer weather. Last year we had steady numbers all winter. Besides it's a long way to hitch-hike to Florida, particularly when no one's likely to pick them up in the first place.

It's not like the food's bad. We have a new cook, and the word on the street is that he's great.

Tonight I'm going to a meeting where we'll try and figure it out.

* * *

From one of my favorite Christmas songs:

And everyone would have a friend,
And right would always win,
And love would never end.
This is my grown-up Christmas list.

- Linda Thompson

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With A Little Help From My Friends

2007-12-10T00:26:00.001-05:00

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You Gotta Love 'Em

2007-12-07T07:16:00.001-05:00

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There were two blondes who went deep into the frozen woods searching for a Christmas tree. After hours of subzero temperatures and a few close calls with hungry wolves, one blonde turned to the other and said, “I’m chopping down the next tree I see. I don’t care whether it’s decorated or not!”

TGIF

You Gotta Believe

2007-12-06T08:29:00.001-05:00

You know you're getting old
when Santa starts looking younger.

- Robert Paul

Happy Hannukah

2007-12-04T08:17:00.002-05:00

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Obviously the merchandising manager at this grocery store missed the class on political correctness.

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It Is What It Is

2007-12-03T09:11:00.001-05:00

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In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it "Christmas" and went to church; the Jews called it "Hanukkah" and went to synagogue; the atheists went to parties and drank. People passing each other on the street would say "Merry Christmas!" or "Happy Hanukkah!" or (to the atheists) "Look out for the wall!"

~Dave Barry

Post-Thanksgiving Stress Disorder

2007-11-29T00:18:00.001-05:00

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How is PTSD Treated?

There is no definitive treatment, and no cure, but there are some treatments that are promising.

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Thanksgiving '07

2007-11-22T21:26:00.002-05:00

We decided that we did not want
to over-eat on Thanksgiving.
So we each picked one menu item,
and then went to a movie.

Carol Fay's Biscuit and Cornbread Stuffing

The Loveless Cafe, Nashville, TN
Delicious.

Silky Pumpkin Pie
Pam Anderson, Cook Smart
Delicious.

Before The Devil Knows You're Dead
"No one was supposed to get hurt."
Disturbing. Very Disturbing.

Not a single character is even remotely likable.

(You can click on the photos for more information.)

What Are You Thankful For?

2007-11-19T19:43:00.001-05:00

"That's why God gave us
Cinemax and opposable thumbs."

- Charlie, Two and a Half Men

Sometimes It's Hard To Say "No"

2007-11-13T17:51:00.002-05:00

Self discipline is when your
conscious tells you to do something
and
you don't talk back.

- W.K. Hope

The first year I lived in Chicago, a friend of mine from work and I were walking home one night when we found a $50 bill on the sidewalk. We knew that there was nowhere to turn it in, but we wanted to do some good with our new-found fortune. We settled on buying twenty-five boxes of Girl Scout cookies.

I have no self discipline when it comes to Thin Mints.

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What Would You Like To Hear?

2007-11-12T00:15:00.001-05:00

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After dying in a car crash, three friends find themselves at an orientation to enter heaven. Each one was asked, "When you are in your casket, what would you like to hear your friends and family saying about you?"

Sean says, "I would like to hear them say I was a great doctor and a great family man."

Karl says, "I would like to hear them say I was an excellent teacher who made a difference in children's lives."

John says, "I would like to hear them say, 'Look! He's moving!'"

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Passion

2007-11-09T10:24:00.001-05:00

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Skiing been always one of my passions. I got my first pair of skis for Christmas when I was about ten years old. Since then, there have only been a few years that I haven't made it onto the slopes.

I wish I had kept track. Unfortunately, I can now only slightly remember some of the places where I’ve been and the people that I went with.

From what I can remember, I’ve skied at 27 different resorts – scattered throughout 8 different states in the US (from Alaska to Vermont, New Mexico to Michigan) plus in 2 European countries (Austria and Switzerland). Some trips have been major events. Others planned no more than a day out.

Yes, I know, skiing is not cheap. Over the years I’ve easily spent more than $100 grand. It's been worth every penny. I guess you’d have to say it’s my drug of choice. (Some people go to concerts, I buy lift tickets.)

But more than the thrill of the hill, most trips have been about friends. Friends from college, friends from the neighborhood, friends from church, friends from work, friends “I just met,” and of course my best friend from first grade (even though we didn’t go skiing together until two years ago).

Here are some of my recollections:
Overall best skiing/resort: Vail (CO) – I once worked for a company that had a company condo in Vail … what a perk!
Best view: Stubaier Gletscher (Austia) – If you want to be close to God, go to the top of the Alps!
Most unique experience: Alyeska (AK) – Sea-level, and rain, at the base; often a blizzard at the top.
Most difficult: Snowbird (UT) – I know many skiers can’t get enough of the deep power in Utah, but I can do without it.
Most exciting lift: Axamer Lizum (Austria) – A relatively small resort in Tyrol, but just riding the cable car to the top (see photo above) is worth the trip.
Best sex: Winter Park (CO) – What can I say? It was a great trip.

There are two places I still dream about going:
Lake Louise/Banff, Canada
Portillo, Chile

I’m looking for friends that are interested!

.

Honesty at the DOT

2007-11-07T09:54:00.002-05:00

.

Or, is it passing the buck?

Maybe it should really say, "Workers called in sick. Unrepaired potholes ahead."

.

We can choose ...

2007-11-05T00:02:00.001-05:00

... between the future and the past,
between reason and ignorance,
between true compassion
. . . . . . . . . . and mere ideology.

- Ron Reagan, Jr.

- Peek-a-Boo I, Rabbit, Yuko Lau

- Peek-a-Boo V, Mouse, Yuko Lau

- Peek-a-Boo IV, Pig, Yuko Lau

.

Whether you think you can,

2007-11-02T09:27:00.001-04:00

or think you can't,
you're right.

- Henry Ford

* * *

Yesterday I saw this refrigerator magnet. It gave me a chuckle.

(And remember I voted for the guy. Twice. Who's the dumb one?)

TGIF

Thank God for the Court System

2007-11-01T08:14:00.001-04:00

.

I don't think I've ever been more repulsed than by some of the hate-filled rhetoric of Fred Phelps and the Westboro Baptist Church.

Personally I don't even think it's appropriate to make the statement I typed in the title of this post. But, I do want to thank someone.

It's hard not to judge
those that are judgemental.

We do not determine our purpose,

2007-10-29T09:40:00.000-04:00

.
we detect it.

-Vikto Frankl

* * * *

I’ve always liked Memphis and the song Walking in Memphis. Many years ago I worked for advertising agency and we shot a commercial on Beale Street. I remember it was a rainy night. We shot the commercial between 3:00 and 5:00 AM. Other than a bum or two, there wasn't anyone on the street but us.

It was a great trip. While we were in town we also got to tour Graceland and St Jude Children’s Memorial Hospital. We stayed at the Peabody and ate ribs at the Rendezvous.

In one song, Walking in Memphis brings back all the memories. I’ve even got a CD that I often play in the car that has noting but this song on it by different artists – Marc Cohn, Cher, Soul Kitchen, Brian Mattson, Lonestar, The Union, Sixboro, Linda Kosut, John Tesh, Paul Anka, Eddie Harrison, Cirrus, Steve Acho, even The Bison Chips.

There’s something about the tune that gets me tapping my foot and singing along. And then there is my favorite line, “Tell me, are you a Christian, child?" And I say, "Man, I am tonight.”

We do not determine our purpose, we detect it.

Somedays you just don't want to get involved.

2007-10-26T09:34:00.001-04:00

TGIF

I got some new underwear yesterday.

2007-10-24T17:56:00.001-04:00

.
Well, it was new to me.

(Honestly folks, this is a joke. I just realized that it's been a long time since I posted something about men and their underwear.)

.

Where's Your Strength Come From?

2007-10-22T22:36:00.000-04:00

It's important
that you feel strong,
not necessarily be strong.

- Christopher McCandless, Into The Wild
(paraphrased)

I went to see Into The Wild tonight. Wow. What a movie! Beautiful scenery. Good people. Incredible experiences. Tragic ending.

If you want something in life,
reach out and grab it.

I, too, often feel stuck, wishing I could have go out and have a great adventure. For the most part I've lived by the rules. I've done what was expected.

Unfortunately this movie reveals the harsh reality that great adventures don't always end well.

.

I Remember That

2007-10-22T00:02:00.001-04:00

.

Here's Matt, and his crazy cousin.
I guess there's a lot to dance about today.

(Share the joy.)

.

Leader of the Free World

2007-10-19T01:00:00.001-04:00

.

Every time I start to think that Hillary might just be the best option of the current presidential candidates, I'm reminded of this photo. Yes, I know it was from the 70's, when everybody seemed to have long hair and inexcusable fashion sense, but I'm just not sure that I can take her seriously with those sandals.

(Somewhere, I think there's a photo of me in a pink plaid suit and blue suede shoes with platform soles. What were we thinking?)

TGIF

Two Tests

2007-10-18T09:04:00.001-04:00

.
The test of courage
comes when we are in the minority.

The test of tolerance
comes when we are in the majority.

-Ralph W. Sockman

Courage, acrylic on unstretched canvas, 1976
C. Morey de Morand

.

What shall be our legacy?

2007-10-17T00:01:00.001-04:00

.
What will our children say?

Let them say of me:
I was one who believed
In sharing the blessings I received.

Let me know in my heart
when my days are through
I gave my best to you.

- Gene Scheer
American Anthem

I've now watched the first five episodes of The War (thanks to my DVR). I'm amazed at the story. Not because of how significant it was in shaping the current world, nor because of the enormous amount of carnage and destruction. But because I know so little about it.

My own father was in the US military between 1941 and 1946. I think he served in the South Pacific as a pilot. And that's all I know. He never talked about. If he had any photos, or souvenirs, I never saw them. Unfortunately, he's now deceased.

I asked my mother this week what she knew about my father's military service. They met in 1943 and got married in 1946. She said that she doesn't know any more than I do. She said that he never talked about it.

- - - - -

PS. I'm in love with the song American Anthem. And with Nora Jones. If you're not familiar with it, take two minutes and ten seconds to watch the above video clip. Now.

.

You Inspire Me, AND Make Me Laugh.

2007-10-16T00:01:00.001-04:00

Happy Birthday and Congratulations!
Have a truly great and wonderful day!

* * *

There are no unimportant jobs,
no unimportant people,
no unimportant acts of kindness.

- A Father's Book of Wisdom

I get so intolerant of intolerance,

2007-10-14T20:15:00.000-04:00

so unempathetic for those with no empathy,
so closed-minded towards close-mindedness,
and so righteously indignant
about all the righteous indignation.

- Shellen Lubin

Me too.

Saturday morning I was riding my bike* past the local Planned Parenthood office. There was group out front carrying signs protesting abortion. A car pulled into the parking lot with two young women in it. One of the protesters started blaring through an electronic megaphone. "Don't go in there." "Don't sign anything." "Don't kill your baby."

I couldn't help but feel some compassion for the occupants in the car. First I had no idea what the nature of their visit was. Beyond that, I believe it wasn't right for the protesters to get involved in such a private decision.

Personally, I don't believe that abortion is the problem; irresponsible sex is. I wanted to go over and ask the protesters if they were virgins when they got married (assuming that they were actually married).

Of course, I didn't.

- - - -
*Update on my bike situation: The guy that runs the bicycle ministry heard that my bike had been stolen (of course he had, I'm on the board). On Wednesday he presented me with a "new" reconditioned bike. I'm very grateful.
.

You can't have Thanksgiving without turkey.

2007-10-12T08:53:00.001-04:00

That's like Fourth of July
without apple pie,
or Friday with no two pizzas.

- Joey on Friends

TGIF

(Shown above: Two of my favorites for pizza.)

All you can eat?

2007-10-09T10:34:00.003-04:00

(Click on photo.)

I'd say, "Watch where you're driving."

Lesson learned.

2007-10-07T00:59:00.003-04:00

I clearly remember the feeling I had when I parked my bike outside the center last Wednesday morning. Looking around at all the other bikes, mine was the newest. And likely, the most expensive. It was shiny and bright. The tires had full tread. I felt like my bike was better than all the rest. In turn, it was like I was better – more deserving – than any of the other bike owners.

How foolish! It was a false sense of pride. Unwarranted, and inexcusable.

.

Thanks.

2007-10-05T00:01:00.001-04:00

Friendship is born at that moment
when one person says to another:
"What! You, too?
Thought I was the only one."

- C.S. Lewis

I’ve got to get the image out of my head of some frickin’ homeless dude riding around on my bike. Or some dealer accepting my bike as payment for crack. I'm hoping this sunset does the trick.

Maybe I'll see mystery man in church again this Sunday.

TGIF

Why?

2007-10-03T15:12:00.001-04:00

.

Last week I got a new bike. Not a real expensive bike, but a very nice one none-the-less. And I bought a new lock.

As some of you may know, I work – as a volunteer – at a soup kitchen. In addition to providing meals for the hungry and homeless, on Wednesdays we run a bicycle ministry, where we give away reconditioned bikes to those needing transportation as well as repair broken bikes.

Today I decided to ride my bike to work. I parked my bike along with the thirty or forty others outside in the bike racks.

As I was inside the center, someone cut my cable and stole my bike. I’m pissed.

And I feel violated. Knowing that someone that I probably know personally, someone that I help feed, and someone that could have gotten a bike for free stole my new bike.

Damn.

.

Affirmation.

2007-10-02T11:30:00.003-04:00

.

.
I love t-shirts with advertising, catchy sayings, and graphic designs. But where would you wear this? Really.
.

Smile at five everyday.

2007-10-01T07:57:00.002-04:00

Smile at each other.
It doesn't matter who it is.
That will help you to grow up in greater love.

-Mother Theresa

A few months ago, I was leaving church when a man I’d never seen before smiled at me. It was the most welcoming, affable smile I think I’ve ever seen. There was a genuine sparkle in his eyes. We didn’t get a chance to meet. But hopefully, I returned his gesture.

Since then, I’ve wondered who he is. I've hoped that I would see him again.

Yesterday I was a little late getting to church, so I decided to sneak into the balcony and sit on the back row. Three rows in front of me was mystery man. I didn’t even notice him until during one of the hymns he glanced around at the back at the church. When he saw me the corners of his mouth raised in a smile. I immediately sensed he was saying, “how are you?” … “I hope you’re having a great day” … “I’m glad to see you.”

I swear, it made my day.

.

There are four basic food groups:

2007-09-28T09:15:00.001-04:00

milk chocolate, dark chocolate,
white chocolate,
and chocolate truffles.

Anonymous

This Cake's For Me

* * * * *

UPDATE: For Joe

UPDATE #2: For Cooper
(Click to experience for yourself.)

UPDATE #3: For Lemuel
(Click photo for recipe.)

UPDATE #4: For TWISI
(What can I say?)

UPADTE #5: For Ted
(Dark Molten Chocolate Cake made with Bittersweet Chocolate)

UPDATE #6: For Sorted
(It's all about friendship and doing something together. Almost like brunch.)

When you say,

2007-09-27T10:23:00.001-04:00

"But I've always done it this way,"
you're a stumbling block,
who gets left behind.

- Anne Sadovsky
101 Thoughts to Make You Think

I wish farts were brightly colored instead of clear.

2007-09-25T22:01:00.001-04:00

Then inconsiderate people would think twice before cuddling one out in the elevator or while in line at the bank.

- Lightning Bug's Butt
(I always find this guy a hoot.)

(PS. I think the guy in the rose-colored shirt is guilty.)

I've been reclassified.

2007-09-25T10:19:00.001-04:00

According to Google, I'm no longer a source for all things relative to "peeing in the shower" or "laughing because you're different." During the last few days, my visitors have dropped by looking for other things. But I swear, if they can find what they're looking for on this blog, they're a better sleuth than Sherlock.

(Google Search / Origin of Search)

tighty whites

- Jacksonville, AR

length of your life

- Seattle, WA

my first jockstrap

- Newton Abbot, UK

quotes about fucking life

- Silver Spring, MD

knuttsak

- Plano, TX

yoetube (sic)

- Burdur, Turkey

aussiebum size chart

- Unknown

jockey recut

- Birmingham, UK

ali mcgraw growing a penis

- Columbus, OH

wallpaper i shut my eyes

- Bangalore, India

jockey y-front

- Greenwood, IN

.

If people were meant to pop out of bed,

2007-09-24T00:01:00.001-04:00

we'd all sleep in toasters.

~Author unknown,
attributed to Jim Davis

Knackered?

2007-09-22T07:08:00.001-04:00

.

.

"Ain't that the fuckin life?"

2007-09-20T10:30:00.001-04:00

[Neil Klugman, 23, and a librarian at the Newark Public Library, had volunteered to go check on the young Negro boy that shortly before had stopped at the first-floor information desk and asked about the location of the art books. The other librarians were suspicious that this little boy, supposedly like others, hid in the stacks and did things that caused “warts on their dirty little hands.”]

Up on Stack Three I found the boy. He was seated on the glass-brick floor holding an open book in his lap, a book, in fact, that was bigger than his lap and had to be propped up by his knees. By the light of the window behind him I could see the hundreds of spaces between the hundreds of tiny black corkscrews that were his hair. He was very black and shiny, and the flesh of his lips did not so much appear to be a different color as it looked to be unfinished and awaiting another coat. The lips were parted, the eyes wide, and even the ears seemed to have a heightened receptivity. He looked ecstatic – until he saw me, that is.

“Hey, mister,” the boy said after a minute, “where is this?”

“Where is what.”

“Where is these pictures? These people, man, they sure does look cool. They ain’t no yelling or shouting here, you could just see it.”

He lifted the book so I could see. It was an expensive large-sized edition of Gauguin reproductions. The page he had been looking at showed an 8 ½ x 11 print, in color, of three native women standing knee-high in a rose-colored stream. It was a silent picture, he was right.

“That’s Tahiti. That’s an island in the Pacific Ocean.”

“That ain’t no place you could go, is it? Like a ree-sort?”

“You could go there, I suppose. It’s very far. People live there …”

“Hey, look, look here at this one.” He flipped back to a page where a young brown-skinned maid was leaning forward on her knees, as though to dry her hair. “Man,” the boy said, “that’s the fuckin life.” The euphoria of his diction would have earned him eternal banishment from the Newark Public Library and its branches had John or Mr. Scapello – or, God forbid, the hospitalized Miss Winney – come to investigate.

“Who took these pictures?” he asked me.

“Gauguin. He didn’t take them, he painted them. Paul Gauguin. He was a Frenchman.”

“Is he a white man or a colored man?”

“He’s white.”

“Man,” the boy smiled, chuckled almost, “I knew that. He don’t take pictures like no colored men would. He’s a good picture taker … Look, look, look here at this one. Ain’t that the fuckin life?”

- Philip Roth, Goodbye Columbus, 1959.

* * *

I first saw the movie Goodbye Columbus when I was seventeen years old, during the summer before my senior year in high school. By the time I was nineteen I think I had seen it thirteen times. And read the book two or three times. I had the dialogue of all the characters committed to memory.

Why did this movie make such an impact on me? I think that – more than any other movie that I’d seen at the time – Goodbye Columbus represented all that I thought (at the time) was good … or rather ...

“Ain’t that the fuckin life!" ... Why?

4 The sex. Premarital sex. Particularly Brenda and Neil having sex in the shower. Probably about two-thirds of Goodbye Columbus is about sex. At the time it was as close to porn as I'd ever experienced.

4 Ali McGraw. I was in love with her at the time.

4 Brenda Patimkin was sassy, smart, spoiled, playful, beautiful, and went to Radcliffe. If a nerd like Neil Klugman could get a girl this, there was hope for me.

4 Life centered around the country club.

4 Tennis

4 In the movie, Ron Patimkin, after working out and taking a shower, would hang his jockstrap on the back of the bathroom door to dry – right where everybody could see it. I was awe struck by this. (In the book, he hung his "supports" on the shower nozzle.)

4 “Goodbye Columbus” referred to graduating from Ohio State in Columbus, Ohio. This was significant because I, too, went to a Big-Ten university.

4 Ron Patimkin went to work for his father’s company and was expected to work his way up from the loading dock to a vice president. That would take a few weeks.

4 Like my family, the Patimkin’s would eat au naturel in the dining room, served by a Negro maid.

4 Brenda’s great retort to Gloria Feldman, a guest at her brother’s wedding reception.

GLORIA: Well, our little Radcliffe smarty, what have you been doing all summer?
BRENDA: Growing a penis.

4 Music by The Association. Yes, I still have the soundtrack on vinyl, as well as a latter-issued CD.

4 The book actually used the word fucking. It was the first time I recall having read it in print. Remember, I grew up in the Bible belt, not New Jersey. (In the movie the dialogue did not use the word fucking. The young black boy simply said, "Ain't that the life?")

* * *

But more than anything else, the biggest connection I had to this movie came in the final scene. To me it was the corollary to the parable of the prodigal son.

Brenda, back at school in the fall after her summer of sex with Neil, receives two letters from her parents. Her mother had found Brenda’s diaphragm in her bottom drawer, under some sweaters. In the letter from her mother, Mrs. Patimkin wrote, “You have broken your parents’ hearts and you should know that. This is some thank you for all we gave you.” In the letter from her father, Brenda reads, “I am willing to forgive and call Buy Gones Buy Gones. … believe me I am not going to start hating my own flesh and blood.”

After Brenda shows the letters to Neil, they began discussing what she will do for the Thanksgiving holidays. Both of Brenda parents trust that she will never again see Neil Klugman. Her father suggests she bring home her college roommate.

“Brenda, the choices aren’t mine.” Neil states. “You can bring Linda or me. You can go home or not go home. That’s another choice. Then you don’t even have to worry about choosing between me or Linda.”

Brenda replied, “Neil, you don’t understand. They’re still my parents. They did send me to the best schools, didn’t they? They have given me everything I’ve wanted, haven’t they? Then how can I not go home? I have to go home.”

And that’s why I still call my mother every day.

* * *

We offer ourselves
to you then, world,
and come to you in search of Life.

- From the closing statement
in the commemorative record, Goodbye Columbus,
given to graduating seniors of Ohio State.

.

I shut my eyes ...

2007-09-18T07:57:00.001-04:00

... in order to see.

- Paul Gauguin

What do you see when you shut your eyes?

* * *

Thinking of Paul Gauguin always reminds me of another "movie that made an impact," Goodbye Columbus. If you know the connection between Gauguin and this book and/or movie, I can tell that you've read the book or seen the movie as many times as I have.

Perhaps I'll write of it sometime.

.

You can't do anything about the length of your life,

2007-09-16T20:02:00.001-04:00

but you can do something
about its width and its depth.

- Henry Louis Mencken

The great essentials of happiness are ...

2007-09-14T00:55:00.001-04:00

... something to do,
something to love,
and something to hope for.

- Unknown

.

TGIF

.

You only get one pair.

2007-09-12T05:35:00.001-04:00

I only have to mention underwear in a post and my inbox starts buzzing. First there was my post about getting caught with your pants down. That post received the most comments I'd ever gotten. Pictures of Doogie in his blue boxers were followed by my longest post -- discussing Arnie Bautista's $350-a-season underwear expenditures, my own underwear "collection" (not that I really collect 'em, but I do have a drawer full) and boxer briefs from KnuttSak®. I still get regular visitors to my blog making Google searches for KnuttSak, including three new visitors yesterday. Usually they're from someplace like Las Vegas, Nevada, or Fremont, California; cities that surely aren't lacking in underwear choices.

Last week I wrote that it was time to put away your tighty-whities, seeing that it is after Labor Day after all.

The next day I got an email from a friend -- knowing that I'm a fan of aussieBum -- asking if I had heard about the new Jockey® Recut Y-Front® briefs marketed in Australia. Of course, I hadn't, so I went looking for more information.

Here's what I found:

(Watch the video. It's less than a minute long.)

I think this is clearly the most cleaver advertising I've ever seen from Jockey. Normally I think their advertising is as dull as their tighty-whities.

Tell me, didn't this make you smile? Grin? Or even laugh out loud?

What about those meatballs sizzling on the grill?

* * *

My search for info about Jockey® Recut Y-Front® briefs also led me another very interesting -- yet puzzling -- bit of marketing from Jockey. But I'll have to write about it another time.

.

Where were you?

2007-09-11T10:08:00.000-04:00

Six years ago today I was sitting in Dallas Love Field when the World Trade Center and the Pentagon were hit by hijacked planes. It was a weird place to be. For about an hour after the first tower fell, the airport turned off all the televisions in the waiting lounges. There was an enormous amount of confusion. Not only were all departing flights cancelled, but numerous planes quickly began making unscheduled landings, letting passengers off -- without gates -- that were clueless why they were landing in Dallas.

I only knew something terrible was wrong. Luckily, I was able to rent a car and I drove home.

.

I went into a McDonald's yesterday ...

2007-09-10T00:54:00.001-04:00

... and said, "I'd like a small order of french fries."

The girl at the counter said, "Would you like some fries with that?"

.

Not what I expected.

2007-09-07T23:11:00.001-04:00

No matter what accomplishments you achieve,

2007-09-06T07:55:00.001-04:00

somebody helps you.

- Althea Gibson

.

Sometimes I sits and thinks,

2007-09-03T08:22:00.001-04:00

and sometimes I just sits.

- Satchel Paige
.

Interviewing for dummies?

2007-08-31T09:11:00.001-04:00

.

.

I can feel this guy's pain.

2007-08-29T23:46:00.001-04:00

(Yes, I know it's almost four minutes long, but it's FULL of laughs.)

He's got a roommate, too.

2007-08-28T17:17:00.000-04:00

.

The other night I was watching TV when I fell asleep on the couch. (Nothing new, I do it often.)

It was a little after 2:00 AM when I woke up. Before I went upstairs to bed, I decided that I'd take a look outside. I opened the front door and immediately heard, "Hey, Paul what's up?"

The Younger Brother (TYB) and some girl were sitting on his front steps, each smoking a cigarette. "You want a cigarette?"

"No thanks, I don't smoke," I said as I walked over to see what was going on.

"Hey, thanks for the donuts. How about a beer?"

"No thanks, I think it's a little late for that." (I don't drink beer either, but I didn't tell him that.)

We all made small-talk for a few minutes, when I noticed another guy walking down the sidewalk on the other side of the street.

"Ah, here comes my roommate," TYB said. "He's been out at the bars."

After the guy crossed the street, I stuck out my hand and said, "Hi. I'm Paul."

He didn't introduce himself, but said, "Are you the dude that lives next door?"

"Yep."

Then without a pause in his questions he said, "Do you ever eat at that restaurant across the street. What about those bars down the street, ever been to any of 'em? Have you ever talked to a guy in a bar about buying a new car? Maybe for some girl just out of college?"

My mind started racing. I remembered having that conversation. This guy must be "the other guy that ordered martinis for everyone in the group plus for four ladies sitting at the bar."

I glanced at TYB. He had a huge shit-eating grin on his face.

While -- one night a year ago -- I played pool and hung out with TYB probably for a few hours. I was only around "the other guy that ordered martinis for everyone in the group plus for four ladies sitting at the bar" (TOG) for about fifteen minutes at the most. There's no way I would have recognized him a year later, and I highly doubt that he'd recognize me if he ran into me on the street.

How did he remember me?

I figured that the only way that TOG would have recognized me and brought up our conversation from a year ago was if he and TYB had been talking about me.

Stunned, all I could say was, "Goodnight. You guys take care." Then I turned around and walked to my own front door.

.

Introductions not necessary.

2007-08-27T15:06:00.001-04:00

When I took a box of donuts to my new neighbor a week ago, I immediately recognized him as "the younger brother." However, I had no idea if he recognized me.

Apparently he did.

.

Any regrets?

2007-08-21T16:38:00.002-04:00

.

I recently saw a promotional announcement for this book which is to be published in October. I'm not exactly sure what it's about, and I doubt that I'll buy it and find out.

However, I was struck by the subtitle.

Coping with Unrealized Dreams and
Fulfilling Your Purpose in the Second Half of Life

Even though I know that I'm blessed -- I have a loving family and good health; I'm relatively well-educated; for a number of years I made a lot of money; I've been fortunate to travel almost everywhere I ever wanted to go -- I'm continually paralyzed with the realization that there's a lot that I thought I would do and/or accomplish that's just not likely to happen.

At what point can you no longer wonder about what you want to do when you grow up?

* * *

I've always been a fan of Harry Chapin and his music. Why? I'm not sure. His songs are almost always about unrealized dreams.

One of my favorites is Mail Order Annie. Unlike many of his songs this one has a happy ending. It's an incredible testament to accepting what you've been given and being grateful for it.

I have a new neighbor.

2007-08-19T11:49:00.000-04:00

I live in a row of townhouses, downtown in the city. This week a new neighbor moved in next door. The first thing I noticed is that the movers were moving in one of those BIG TV sets. Later in the day I realized that the BIG TV, complete with a BIG audio system, had been installed along the wall that backs up to my living room. I realized this as I was sitting on my couch watching my TV and all of a sudden I could "feel" what my new neighbor was watching ... and it wasn't the same program.

* * *

One Friday night about a year ago I was at a neighborhood bar, sitting by myself, planning to have just one drink during happy hour. After I was there about ten minutes or so, two young -- VGL -- guys walked in, sat across from me at the bar, and ordered Red Bull and vodkas. We exchanged the obligatory head-nods and smiles, and then one of the guys asked if I wanted to join them in a game of billiards. I said, "Sure, I'd love to," even though I thought, "why in the hell are they asking me; I'm clearly old enough to be these guys' father."

It turned out that the two were brothers. The older brother, about 30, was newly married; the younger brother, about 25, had just recently graduated from college. After playing pool for about an hour -- accompanied by several shots of peppermint schnapps -- they said that they were planning to go meet some of the younger brother's friends at another bar and asked if I wanted to come along. "Sure, I'd love to!" I replied.

We made our way to the trendy part of town, home to all the bars for the twenty-something’s looking for a good time. We meet up with a group of about five guys outside a bar I’d never heard of. One guy paid the cover charge for the whole group. (I was clearly old enough to be the bouncer’s father, but I got carded anyway.) We went in and another guy orders martinis for everyone in the group plus for four ladies sitting at the bar. (I was clearly the oldest guy in the bar.)

We were there only about five minutes when the older brother asked me if I wanted to go to a gay bar with him.

I thought, “What the heck does this just-married guy want to go to a gay bar with me for?”

I said, “Sure.”

We left the rest of the group and headed out.

It was a drag bar. I’d never been there before. I really just don’t understand the whole concept of men in drag, however we pulled up two stools at the bar and became friends with the bartender. After several rounds of the bartender's special, my new friend said, “I know another bar we can go to.”

I said, “Let’s go.”

It was another gay bar and it was jeans and leather night. The place was packed, wall-to-wall bodies. I made my way up to the bar, ordered two drinks, and turned around to hand one to my friend. Somehow in the crowd I lost him.

Coming to my senses, I realized that 1) I was very, very drunk and 2) I had no idea why I was barhopping in gay bars with a just-married guy a lot younger than I was. The situation "felt strange to me.” It surely must have “looked extremely strange to everyone else.” I was uncomfortable, even embarrassed, by the whole situation. I decided to put the drinks back on the bar and head home.

The next morning I woke up on the kitchen floor.

* * *

Yesterday, I decided that I should be friendly and introduce myself to the new neighbor. Plus, I figured that if some night I couldn’t sleep because the BIG TV and stereo system were vibrating the whole block, it would be nice if I at least knew the neighbor’s name before I complained.

After a trip to Dunkin Donuts, I went next-door and rang the doorbell, armed with a box of dozen donuts.

I met the new neighbor. It’s the younger brother.

.

Who said there are bears in the city?

2007-08-17T15:10:00.002-04:00

Being good is important;

2007-08-16T01:13:00.001-04:00

being trusted
is essential.

- Richard A. Moran
Never Confuse a Memo with Reality

Always have an answer to the question,

2007-08-13T10:33:00.000-04:00

What would I do
if I lost my job tomorrow?

I've lost two jobs. Neither time did I know what I was going to do next.

Right now I do volunteer work at a soup kitchen for the hungry and homeless. We serve breakfast four days a week and lunch two days a week, totaling approximately 18,000 meals a year. Most of our guests are individuals that you'd consider "unemployable" due to issues with mental illness, physical disabilities or substance abuse. A good number are elderly. A few are families where the parents can't work because there's no one else to take care of the children.

For the most part, I'm always surprised how gracious and thankful our guests are. Plus there's a strange sense of contentment when you see one of the homeless on the street and you 1) know them personally and 2) know they've recently had something to eat.

One good thing for me, there's pretty good job security when you don't get paid in the first place.

Tant pis.

.

Don't cry because it's over,

2007-08-06T08:19:00.001-04:00

smile because it happened.

* * *

I've kept a Post-it® note with this saying on my desk for the last five years. Many times it's helped me keep a positive attitude.

I have no idea who the man in the photograph is. But if he can smile, I can too.

Bejesus.

2007-08-02T09:19:00.000-04:00

If that don't take the rag
off the bush.

- attributed to James Butler Hickok

I recently read this quote in a post-Civil War historical novel written by a friend that I was in Boy Scouts with. It made me laugh. I'm trying to figure out how to work it into my own conversation sometime.

.

How old would you act,

2007-07-31T23:41:00.001-04:00

if you didn't know how old you are?

.

What’s in my duffle bag?

2007-07-19T00:05:00.000-04:00

My bag is packed and I’m ready to go. I'm taking the train to NYC early tomorrow morning. I’ve tried to really pack light. How much of a wardrobe do you need on a sailboat? Not much! I’m only taking one, medium-sized duffel bag. If it wasn’t for the week we’re going to spend in Edgartown, I would probably have been able to pack less than half of what I am taking. However, the good part about the stop on Martha’s Vineyard is that I’ll get to do laundry and recycle everything.

What color is my wardrobe?

I usually pride myself on being a “colorful” person. Most things I own and wear are bright colors. Somehow this trip is going to be different. Due to the white socks and white t-shits that I’ve packed, it’s predominately white. In fact, of the 31 articles of clothing I’ve packed, white socks and t-shirts account for 29% of it. Beyond that, the most predominant colors are grey, green and blue. There are only a couple of items each that are orange, yellow, or purple. Plus one pair or black shorts and one pair of khaki shorts.

I’m a brand whore.

I’ve spent my entire professional life pushing brands on consumers. Here are the brands you’ll find in my duffel bag, toiletries included:

Anders
aussieBum
Band-Aid
Bass Pro Shop
Colgate
Gear
Gillette
Hanes Beefy-T
ID
Johnson & Johnson
L’Oréal
Life
LifeStyles
Mennen Afta
Nike
Norelco
Oral B
Polo
Starter
The Black Dog
Timberland
USTA

But what about the food?

The menus are “coming along nicely.” In other words, I don’t have the slightest idea yet what I’m preparing every day to keep everybody fed and hydrated. But we’re having a meeting Thursday night after I get in NYC. Friday we’ll spend prepping the boat, and then set sail at 6:00 AM Saturday.

I’m looking forward to this adventure. Maybe I can post pictures when I get back in August.
.

Is there something that I don't know?

2007-07-15T00:41:00.001-04:00

In the last week, eight people have found TO&TFTBG through Google, all based on roughly the same search. Would someone please explain to me why the following is so popular right now.

you laugh at me cause im different i laugh at you cause your all the same

laugh me different laugh you same

you laugh because

you laugh because i’m

you laugh because i’m different i laugh because your all the same

you laugh because i’m different, farted

you laugh because i am different, i laugh because you are all the same

you laugh me because im different, i laugh you because you’re the same

I'm not sure what they were really looking for, but this is what they found.

.

Beach? What beach?

2007-07-10T09:23:00.001-04:00

* * *

On the road (?) again ...

My best friend from first grade (yes, the same guy that I went on the road trip with a couple of months ago) has finally convinced me to go on a sailing trip with him. He's somewhat of a sailing fanatic; regularly sailing to Bermuda from St. Thomas or Newport. I on the other hand, do not do well in the big open water. My two experiences with deep sea fishing in the Gulf of Mexico both produced severe cases of sea sickness. We're talking about non-stop projectile vomiting for hours.

However he's put together a trip that he promises to be relatively pastoral. He's recruited me and two other buddies. We're going to be sailing through Long Island Sound and then continuing to Martha's Vineyard, where we'll meet up with my my friend's wife and kids for a week in Edgartown. The sail each way will take about two and a half days (we will anchor at night).

I'm going to be in charge of provisions (aka food and booze). Even though I'm looking forward to this task, it's not going to be easy. I usually avoid carbs at all cost, particularly cereal, bread, donuts, salty snacks, pasta, potatoes, cakes and cookies. I also do not eat mushrooms nor beans. My best friend from first grade does not eat fruit. One of his friends that's going to be joining us is a crunchy-granola vegetarian; I hear his favorite thing for breakfast is raw cauliflower. The fourth guy I've never met, and I know nothing about him.

Anyone have any menu suggestions?

I leave home next Thursday to meet up with the group in NYC. Friday we'll prep for the trip and then set sail on Saturday.

Here are a couple of photos of his boat, including "my" kitchen.

Microsoft Corporation, 1978

2007-07-09T08:59:00.002-04:00

Would you have invested?

The early bird may get the worm,

2007-07-07T08:07:00.001-04:00

but the second mouse
gets the cheese in the trap.

(He who laughs last, thinks slowest.)

- More words of wisdom from Larry the Cable Guy

I was a band nerd.

2007-06-25T00:52:00.001-04:00

Or, there is always the alternative:

I was a band geek.

Why is there such a negative label placed on students in band? Particularly when music is such a significant part of almost every one's life.

Yes, I was in the band. Starting with the fourth-grade tonette band, through two years in college. It was a lot of work, but it was an fantastic experience. It helped me develop my leadership skills: I was drum major one year. I got some of the best seats at football games. I got to travel, including an incredible trip to Venezuela. I made a lot of close friends.

I'd like to say that I am proud of the experience. But you know, it's really hard to be proud of something when the majority of references are derogatory.

* * * * *

Another favorite movie of mine is Mr. Holland's Opus. It honors not just those in band, but band directors too. (If coaches are somehow put on a pedestal, band directors are seen as the ultimate nerd.)

The man who composed the score for this movie, and particularly "An American Symphony," was Michael Kamen. Following his involvement in scoring the movie, he was a founder of the Mr. Holland's Opus Foundation which supports music education in American schools through the supply and maintenance of free musical instruments.

Long live band geeks! I believe you help make the world a better place to live.

And I'd like to offer my personal thanks to my band directors: Mr. Martinez, Mr. Atwood, Mr. Dashier and Mr. Wright

* * * * *

More than anything else, this experience -- being called a nerd or a geek for as long as I can remember -- gives me a sense what Pride Month is all about. It's the ability to say, "So what?"

.

Road Trips

2007-06-01T15:33:00.001-04:00

Last weekend I went to Vermont to spend the weekend with my friend that I recently went on the road trip with. (And yes, we rode around in the white pickup truck with the Texas plates again for a few days.)

Saturday night, his sixteen year old daughter wanted to see Little Miss Sunshine. And while he wasn't very excited about letting her see an "R" rated movie, I convinced him that it was a good story, with socially redeeming value, and that the language was nothing that his daughter doesn't hear regularly in school. I'm not sure he gave in, but we rented it anyway.

Seeing this movie again, I was reminded about the following life lessons:

"Little Miss" pageants are indeed very creepy.

Multi-generational family car trips can be a good thing.

Learning to drive a standard shift transmission is not a good thing when you're frustrated and in a hurry.

Suicidal gay uncles can possibly be the most sane member of the family.

Having an affair with your student and/or teacher is rarely a good thing.

If you're going to dedicate yourself to a vow silence, you need to make sure the cause is real.

Too much of a "good thing" can kill you.

You can just take a certain amount of motivational speakers before they get on your nerves.

It's always OK to eat ice cream.
.

No booze! No sex! No drugs!... No way!

2007-05-21T00:34:00.000-04:00

- Deloris Van Cartier (Sister Mary Clarence)

Sometimes I just want a "feel good" movie. Nothing too deep. Just something to make me smile, and laugh, and sing.

These two movies always fit the bill.

I can't tell you how many times I've seen them. Lots.
.

Home is where the heart is.

2007-05-19T10:50:00.001-04:00

Nazareth Hospital

Thirty-one days ago, I walked into a large tin can with rockets attached to either side and was propelled on an adventure. Last night, shortly before midnight, a similar vehicle returned me to Western NY.

In between I traveled some 13,000 miles. By car, truck, train, subway, Gator, big jet, little jet, and on foot. One day I got on a boat, but didn’t go anywhere.

I slept on couches, in guest rooms, basements, low-cost motels, and one of the nicest five-star hotels I’ve ever been in.

Meals, too, ran the gamut. From vending machines, to fine dining. Obviously I had more meals “out” during the last month than home-cooked meals. I even visited a few bars.

What did I most discover?

Home is not where the body lives,
but where the heart lives.

I was at home just traveling with my best friend from first grade. He probably knows more about me than anyone else ... and I, him. Yet, during the last month I even learned some things I didn’t know before. Secrets never revealed. Feelings never verbalized.

While we didn’t meet until we were six, we were both born in the same room within 30 days of each other. Interestingly we’re not alike at all. Very, very different lives and experiences. Yet, I suspect, we’ll always remain extremely respectful and loyal.

I was at home when I drove by the hospital in which I was born, even though it has been closed for over thirty years. When I was born, it was the only hospital in town, run by the Sisters of Nazareth. Incredibly strange for a small rural town in Texas with fewer than one hundred Catholic families.

I was at home when I visited my grade school, now an “alternative school for disturbed children.” It’s an eerie feeling to return to your first grade classroom with a friend that you actually met there. I've got vivid memories of the play ground, the annual "pet show," and watching Little Match Girl in the school auditorium every Christmas for six years.

I was at home when I met a former business associate for coffee in New York City. It was a chance to catch up; it had been way too long. Why do we so easily loose touch with so many friends?

I was at home visiting my father’s grave in Atlanta. It’s next to those of my grandfather, my grandmother and my aunt. I heard that there are eight vacant plots close by which some other family wants to sell. They were purchased in the 1930’s but never used. I told my cousin to check it out.

I was at home the day I drove my eighty-three year old uncle 290 miles to meet my eighty-two year old aunt – my uncle’s sister – for lunch. After we ate pot roast and fried chicken at a roadside diner near Hamilton, we sat at a picnic table under the pine trees and talked about how our family has stayed connected even though we rarely get the opportunity to see each other in person.

I was at home returning to Chicago, a city I only lived in for three years after college. Yet it probably represented the best years of my life. A time of independence, self-discovery and spirituality.

I was at home eating burgers at both The Varsity and The Billy Goat Tavern. I love their burgers, and the ambiance, both very distinctive. But I love the memories of eating there in years past with family and friends even more. I hope these two places never close.

I’m also at home listening to the music from Schindler’s List. It’s both peaceful, and disturbing.

- - - -

Last night I slept in “my bed.” But it wasn’t home.

- - - -

Am I a sap, or what?

How much are you willing to suffer?

2007-04-02T00:01:00.002-04:00

(NOTE: Inspired by the Oscars, I've decided that, once a week, I'm going to try to share a movie that has made a significant impact on me. If nothing else, this will expose you to some of my idiosyncrasies.)

I was in Enid, Oklahoma, with a group from school. We had a free afternoon, and went to see They Shoot Horses, Don't They?

I'll never forget the line. Or the despair.

Viewing "They Shoot Horses, Don't They?" is like rubbernecking a horrific traffic accident, or watching a train wreck. The images, no matter how painful, are too disturbing to turn away. This movie documents the depression era pathos by showing us a glimpse of a group of dance-marathon contestants battling it out for a winner-take-all purse. Their lives become symbolic of their efforts in the marathon: inexorable pain, constant cramping, and a constant questioning of just "why live in all this misery?" ... The film is stunning in capturing the simple struggle of humanity; it's a must-see, but only once!!!
- Review by Joe Wade Smith

* * * * *

I felt the music was mesmerizing, too.

• "EASY COME, EASY GO"
Music by Johnny Green
Lyrics by Edward Heyman
Sung by Lynn Willis

• "SWEET SUE JUST YOU"
Music by Victor Young
Lyrics by Will J. Harris

• "PARADISE"
Music by Nacio Herb Brown
Lyrics by Gordon Clifford

• "COQUETTE"
Music by Johnny Green
Lyrics by E.Y. Harburg

• "THE JAPANESE SANDMAN"
Music by Richard A. Whiting
Lyrics by Ray Egan

• "BY THE BEAUTIFUL SEA"
Music by Harry Carroll
Lyrics by Harold Atteridge

• "CAN-CAN"
from Orpheus In Hades
Written by Jacques Offenbach

• "BETWEEN THE DEVIL AND THE DEEP BLUE SEA"
Music by Harold Arlen
Lyrics by Ted Koehler

• "THE BEST THINGS IN LIFE ARE FREE"
Written by Buddy G. DeSylva, Lew Brown and Ray Henderson
Sung by Bonnie Bedelia

• "BODY AND SOUL"
Music by Johnny Green
Lyrics by Edward Heyman, Frank Eyton and Robert Sour

• "BROTHER CAN YOU SPARE A DIME?"
Music by Jay Gorney
Lyrics by E.Y. Harburg

• "I COVER THE WATERFRONT"
Music by Johnny Green
Lyrics by Edward Heyman

• "I FOUND A MILLION DOLLAR BABY"
Music by Harry Warren
Lyrics by Billy Rose and Mort Dixon

• "OUT OF NOWHERE"
Music by Johnny Green
Lyrics by Edward Heyman

• "CALIFORNIA, HERE I COME"
Written by Buddy G. DeSylva, Joseph Meyer and Al Jolson

• "I'M YOURS"
Music by Johnny Green
Lyrics by E.Y. Harburg

* * * * *

In case you haven't yet seen this movie, here's the trailer: