Confession is Good for the Soul

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Edward Norton, Keeping the Faith, 2000*

Nervous about hearing confessions, the young new priest asks an older priest to sit in on his sessions. The new priest hears several confessions, then the old priest asks him to step out of the confessional for a few suggestions.

The old priest suggests, "Cross your arms over your chest and rub your chin with one hand." The new priest tries this.

The old priest continues, "Try saying things like, 'I see, yes, go on, and I understand, how did you feel about that?" The new priest says those things, trying them out.

Then the old priest says, "Now, don't you think that's a little better than slapping your knee and saying, 'No way! What happened next?'"

*I never saw this movie, I have no idea what it's about.

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You Gotta Love 'Em

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There were two blondes who went deep into the frozen woods searching for a Christmas tree. After hours of subzero temperatures and a few close calls with hungry wolves, one blonde turned to the other and said, “I’m chopping down the next tree I see. I don’t care whether it’s decorated or not!”

TGIF

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What Would You Like To Hear?

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After dying in a car crash, three friends find themselves at an orientation to enter heaven. Each one was asked, "When you are in your casket, what would you like to hear your friends and family saying about you?"

Sean says, "I would like to hear them say I was a great doctor and a great family man."

Karl says, "I would like to hear them say I was an excellent teacher who made a difference in children's lives."

John says, "I would like to hear them say, 'Look! He's moving!'"

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Some people, you just can't fool.

It's the day before Thanksgiving, and the butcher is just locking up when a man begins pounding on the front door.

"Please let me in," says the man desperately. "I forgot to buy a turkey, and my wife is going to kill me if I don't come home with one."

"Okay," says the butcher. "Let me see what I have left."

He goes into the freezer and discovers that there's only one scrawny turkey left. He brings it out to show the man.

"That's one is too skinny. What else you got?" says the man.

The butcher takes the bird back into the freezer and waits a few minutes and brings the same turkey back out to the man.

"Oh, no," says the man, "That one doesn't look any better. You better give me both of them!"

- Thanks, Professor.

And here's a link to
another of the Professor's posts
that made me laugh out loud.
He and I seem to get the
same e-mail.
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A large bowl of apples ...

... sat at the beginning of the cafeteria line in the Catholic grade school. Next to it was a sign:

Take only one apple. God is watching.

At the end of the line was a tray of chocolate chip cookies. Next to it one of the students had placed a sign that said:

Take all the cookies you want.
God is watching the apples.

(And some people wonder where Catholic guilt originates!)

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Four Ghosts

One night, George W. Bush is tossing restlessly in his White House bed. He awakens to see George Washington standing by him. Bush asks him, "George, what''s the best thing I can do to help the country?"

"Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did," Washington advises, and then fades away...

The next night, Bush is astir again, and sees the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moving through the darkened bedroom. Bush calls out, "Tom, please! What is the best thing I can do to help the country?"

"Respect the Constitution, as I did," Jefferson advises, and dims from sight...

The third night sleep still does not come for Bush. He awakens to see the ghost of FDR hovering over his bed. Bush whispers, "Franklin, What is the best thing I can do to help the country?"

"Help the less fortunate, just as I did," FDR replies and fades into the mist...

Bush isn''t sleeping well the fourth night when he sees another figure moving in the shadows. It is the ghost of Abraham Lincoln. Bush pleads, "Abe, what is the best thing I can do right now to help the country?"

Lincoln replies, "Go see a play."

- Stolen from http://jokes.comedycentral.com

I know that I don't don't normally talk about politics. AND, I even voted for the man. But I did like Lincoln's wit.