Funniest Interview Clip

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Yes, at times I'm an American Idol junkie. But, I've generally thought that the post-season press interviews have been nothing more than dribble.

But this one! I laughed till I peed in my pants.

It's great when the handlers aren't feeding the story lines.

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Moved

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... to the Piney Woods.

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MEME of the Week (I've got nuttin')

What I’ve Yet To Do:

11. Bungee jump. Wouldn’t this be a rush!
12. Visit Paris.
15. Adopt a child.
17. Walk to the top of the Statue of Liberty. I’ve ridden by it on the “Beasty Boat.” That’s probably as close as I’ll ever get.
18. Grow my own vegetables. Get serious! No desire.
19. See the Mona Lisa in France. See #12. Never been to Paris.
27. Run a marathon. I once ran a 5K. I can’t run more than a mile these days.
28. Ride in a gondola in Venice. Never been to Venice.
31. Hit a home run. Again, get serious; I was known as a “sure strike out” in junior high.
36. Teach myself a new language. I’ve only been taught by others.
38. See the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person. Never been to Pisa.
42. See Old Faithful geyser erupt.
44. Visit Africa. I would love to. I’d actually love to work in Africa for a year or so.
47. Have my portrait painted. Why would I do this?
50. Go to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris. See #12. Never been to Paris.
56. Visit the Great Wall of China. I really have no interest in going to China.
58. Take a martial arts class. No interest. I did take a nude yoga class once.
59. Visit Russia. Maybe someday, but I’ve got a lot of other places I’d like to go first.
63. Get flowers for no reason. I’d be glad to give you my address.
64. Donate blood, platelets or plasma.
65. Go sky diving. I’d love to.
66. Visit a Nazi concentration camp. But I’ve seen a lot of movies about ‘em. Unbelievable.
67. Bounce a check. Thank you for overdraft protection.
74. Tour the Everglades. Joe?
77. Break a bone. I think I might have broken my toe once, but I never went to the doctor.
83. Walk in Jerusalem. Again, it’s WAY DOWN on my list of things to do.
85. Read the entire Bible. And to think that I've got a 10-year perfect attendance pin for Sunday School attendance.
89. Save someone’s life.
90. Sit on a jury. But I did sit through an eight-week trial; God bless the jury.
92. Join a book club.
96. Swim in the Great Salt Lake. I thought you just floated in the Great Salt Lake.

Been There, Done That
(Interestingly, it's a pretty inconsequential list.)

1. Started my own blog.
2. Slept under the stars.
3. Played in a band.
4. Visited Hawaii.
5. Watched a meteor shower.
6. Gave more than you can afford to charity.
7. Been to Disney World and Disney Land.
8. Climbed a mountain.
9. Held a praying mantis.
10. Sang a solo.
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea.
14. Taught myself an art from scratch.
16. Had food poisoning.
20. Slept on an overnight train.
21. Had a pillow fight.
22. Hitch-hiked.
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill.
24. Built a snow fort.
25. Held a lamb.
26. Gone skinny dipping. Absolutely love it!
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset.
32. Been on a cruise.
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person.
34. Visited the birthplace of my ancestors.
35. Been to an Amish community.
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied.
39. Gone rock climbing.
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David.
41. Sung karaoke. And been ridiculed. Never again!
43. Bought a stranger a meal in a restaurant.
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight.
46. Been transported in an ambulance.
48. Gone deep sea fishing.
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person.
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling.
52. Kissed in the rain.
53. Played in the mud.
54. Gone to a drive-in theater.
55. Been in a movie.
57. Started a business.
60. Served at a soup kitchen.
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies.
62. Gone whale watching.
68. Flown in a helicopter.
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy.
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial.
71. Eaten caviar.
72. Pieced a quilt.
73. Stood in Times Square.
75. Been fired from a job. Laid off/replaced ... same thing.
76. Seen the changing of the guard in London.
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle.
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person.
80. Published a book.
81. Visited the Vatican.
82. Bought a brand new car.
84. Had your picture in the newspaper.
86. Visited the White House.
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating.
88. Had chickenpox.
91. Met someone famous.
93. Lost a loved one.
94. Had a baby.
95. Seen the Alamo in person.
97. Been involved in a lawsuit.
98. Owned a cell phone.
99. Been stung by a bee.

Slumdog Millionaire

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Have you seen it?

Wow! A gut-wrencher and a tear-jerker, all rolled into one.


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Don't we all?

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I think about it all the time.
I just don't talk about it.

- Justin

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Everyday, we hope for what we still can't see.

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I've spent the entire last week watching Wall Street, to the point of being obsessive about it. While it's probably not as bad as it seems (less than 15% of my portfolio -- whoops, now 9% -- is invested in equities), it's left me with the continuing thought that I'll never have enough money to enjoy retirement. And, that the best part of my life is gone. (But what a life it's been!)

Last night I saw a story on TV about joining the Peace Corp after you're fifty. It's not a bad idea. I'll think about it.

About a year ago I posted this song by Josh Groban. I thought it was meaningful to listen to it again. (Go ahead, listen to the song, read the lyrics. And smile.)

It's up to us to be the change.

- Josh Groban
Thankful

Somedays, we forget to look around us,
Somedays, we can't see the joy that surrounds us,
So caught up inside ourselves,
We take when we should give.
So for tonight we pray for,
What we know can be,
And on this day we hope for,
What we still can't see.

It's up to us, to be the change,
And even though we all can still do more,
There's so much to be thankful for.

Look beyond ourselves,
There's so much sorrow,
It's way too late to say, I'll cry tomorrow.
Each of us must find our truth,
It's so long overdue.

So for tonight we pray for,
What we know can be,
And everyday, we hope for,
What we still can't see.
It's up to us, to be the change,
And even though we all can still do more,
There's so much to be thankful for.

Even with our differences,
There is a place we're all connected,
Each of us can find each others light.

So for tonight, we pray for
What we know can be,
And on this day, we hope for,
What we still can't see.
It's up to us, to be the change,
And even though this world needs so much more
There's so much to be thankful for.


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Not Tagged, But Playing Along.

(Just following Cooper's lead.)

Total Score

14 -- No
38 -- Yes

1). Taken a picture completely naked? No. I'm not really sure if this is questioning whether or not I've taken a photograph while naked, or rather had one taken of me when naked. I know of several photos of me in which I'm only wearing shoes (see #29).

2). Made out with a friend from MySpace/Facebook? No. Am I the only one without a page on MySpace or Facebook?

3). Danced in front of your mirror naked? Yes.

4). Told a lie? Yes.

5). Had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back? Yes.

6). Been arrested? No. Having to go to traffic court was bad enough (see #15).

7). Made out with someone of the same sex? Yes.

8). Seen someone die? Yes. In a car accident. It was not a pleasant experience; I still have flash-backs occasionally.

9). Slept in until 5 P.M.? Yes.

10). Had sex at work? Yes. By myself, in the restroom.

11). Fallen asleep at work/school? At work, yes. At school, yes.

12). Held a snake? Yes. And I hated it. Even snakes in cages scare me.

13). Ran a red light? Yes. Not on purpose, but I admit that I'm sometimes careless.

14). Been suspended from school? No. I never even got sent to the Principal's office.

15). Wrecked your car in an accident? Yes. Two days after I got my license.

16). Pole danced? No.

17). Smoked? Yes.

18). Been fired from a job? Laid-off ... pretty much the same thing.

19). Sang karaoke? Yes. Only once. Tried to sing Mack the Knife. I was laughed at.

20). Done something you told yourself you wouldn’t? Yes. Often. "I will not eat another piece of cake until I loose ten pounds."

21). Laughed until a drink came out of your nose? Yes.

22). Caught a snowflake on your tongue? Yes.

23). Kissed in the rain? Yes.

24). Sang in the shower? Yes. Alone, and with friends. I don't believe that I've ever been laughed at while singing in the shower.

25). Given your private parts a nickname? No. But you're welcome to call it anything you'd like. I'm pretty clinical about such things; I usually call it "my penis."

26). Ever gone out without underwear? Yes. Somewhat regularly. But rarely without pants.

27). Sat on a rooftop? Yes.

28). Broken a bone? No.

29). Mooned/flashed someone? Yes. Streaking was very popular when I was in college.

30). Shaved your head? No.

31). Slept naked? Yes. And I love it.

32). Played a prank on someone? Yes.

33). Had a gym membership? Yes.

34). Felt like killing someone? Not that I can actually remember.

35). Made your girlfriend/boyfriend cry? Yes. I've been a jerk more than once.

36). Cried over someone you were in love with? Yes.

37). Had sex more than 10 times in one day? Yes.

38). Had Mexican Jumping Beans for pets? Yes.

39). Been in a band? Yes.

40). Subscribed to Maxim? Yes. But didn't renew the subscription.

41). Taken more than 10 shots of alcohol? Yes. I lived in a fraternity house for three years.

42). Shot a gun? Yes. I grew up in rural Texas, where everyone has a gun rack in their pickup truck.

43). Had sex today? No.

44). Played strip poker? Yes.

45). Tripped on mushrooms? No. I've never even seen any big enough to trip over.

46). Donated blood? No. I'm afraid of needles.

47). Video-taped yourself having sex? No.

48). Eaten alligator meat? Yes.

49). Eaten frog legs? Yes.

50). Jumped out of an airplane? No.

51). Been to more than 10 countries? Yes.

52). Ever wanted to have sex with a platonic friend? Yes. Right now, as a matter of fact.

I believe that #1, #16, and #47 must be related somehow. I really need to do something about #43.

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Sport-Sex and Disco Dancing

People, events and things
that have affected my life.
#1.

How did I ever end up in the choir? Simple answer really: the choir director – who was friends with my university band director – heard that I had just moved to the city, called me, and asked me to join.

Funny thing is, I really can’t sing very well. Yes, I love to sing in the shower where there are great acoustics. But, I’ve only got a clear range of less than an octave. And I have to carefully listen to the singer next to me to stay on-pitch.

I was a member of this choir for almost three years. Every Sunday morning we sang religious music as part of a live radio program, however it wasn’t the Mormon Tabernacle Choir by any means. While we were accompanied by one of the “great organs” of the city, the choir was relatively small. There were only about forty singers. Eight soloists were paid professionals. Most of the other choir members were students at one of the city’s well-known music conservatories.

Two things about this choir:


First, it was sexually active.

And it wasn’t just the soprano soloist that was married to one of the basses. The organist was sleeping with one of the tenors. Another tenor was doing two of the contraltos, on alternate nights. One of the baritones was doing one of the basses. There was this one soprano that was doing every guy in the choir that was willing to drop his zipper. And I was doing the mezzo-soprano soloist.

It was the first time I’d ever heard of the term “sport fucking.” I grew up believing that “good kids” waited. And until this time, I was a “good kid.” Interestingly, I’d never been very interested in most sports before.

Secondly, this group could really dance.

Many Wednesday nights after practice we’d go dancing. There was this one club in the city where the disco music of the mid-70’s ruled – Evelyn King, Tavares, Bee Gees, Grace Jones, Gloria Gaynor, the Village People, Sylvester, the Jackson 5, and of course Donna Summer. I clearly remember how my whole body could feel the crushing sound system. And there was magic in the lighted dance floor; it seemed to provide a sense of rhythm I’d never known before. We’d stay as late as the DJ would spin the records.


My days living in the city were an important part of my life, and being a member of this choir was a significant part of it. Not only did I enjoy the music, but also, the camaraderie gave me friends and a sense of belonging that I would never have had otherwise. To say the least, it expanded my horizons.

I often wonder how I ever made it to work – on-time and alert – on Thursdays. It was a job that required starched white shirts and grey pin-stripped suits (where even Brooks Brothers was considered just a little too flashy).

I was obviously younger then.

I am no longer part of any choir. I still regularly go to church. Josh Groban I’m not.

I rarely danced before becoming a part of this group, and I never dance now. I doubt that I'll ever be confused with Tony Manero.

* * *

(This may become a regular series of this blog. We’ll just have to see how I’m inspired. However, it’s unlikely that it will be publicly archived.)

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Thanksgiving '07

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We decided that we did not want
to over-eat on Thanksgiving.
So we each picked one menu item,
and then went to a movie.

Carol Fay's Biscuit and Cornbread Stuffing

The Loveless Cafe, Nashville, TN
Delicious.

Silky Pumpkin Pie
Pam Anderson, Cook Smart
Delicious.

Before The Devil Knows You're Dead
"No one was supposed to get hurt."
Disturbing. Very Disturbing.

Not a single character is even remotely likable.

(You can click on the photos for more information.)

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Passion

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Skiing been always one of my passions. I got my first pair of skis for Christmas when I was about ten years old. Since then, there have only been a few years that I haven't made it onto the slopes.

I wish I had kept track. Unfortunately, I can now only slightly remember some of the places where I’ve been and the people that I went with.

From what I can remember, I’ve skied at 27 different resorts – scattered throughout 8 different states in the US (from Alaska to Vermont, New Mexico to Michigan) plus in 2 European countries (Austria and Switzerland). Some trips have been major events. Others planned no more than a day out.

Yes, I know, skiing is not cheap. Over the years I’ve easily spent more than $100 grand. It's been worth every penny. I guess you’d have to say it’s my drug of choice. (Some people go to concerts, I buy lift tickets.)

But more than the thrill of the hill, most trips have been about friends. Friends from college, friends from the neighborhood, friends from church, friends from work, friends “I just met,” and of course my best friend from first grade (even though we didn’t go skiing together until two years ago).

Here are some of my recollections:
Overall best skiing/resort: Vail (CO) – I once worked for a company that had a company condo in Vail … what a perk!
Best view: Stubaier Gletscher (Austia) – If you want to be close to God, go to the top of the Alps!
Most unique experience: Alyeska (AK) – Sea-level, and rain, at the base; often a blizzard at the top.
Most difficult: Snowbird (UT) – I know many skiers can’t get enough of the deep power in Utah, but I can do without it.
Most exciting lift: Axamer Lizum (Austria) – A relatively small resort in Tyrol, but just riding the cable car to the top (see photo above) is worth the trip.
Best sex: Winter Park (CO) – What can I say? It was a great trip.

There are two places I still dream about going:
Lake Louise/Banff, Canada
Portillo, Chile

I’m looking for friends that are interested!

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Where's Your Strength Come From?

It's important
that you feel strong,
not necessarily be strong.

- Christopher McCandless, Into The Wild
(paraphrased)

I went to see Into The Wild tonight. Wow. What a movie! Beautiful scenery. Good people. Incredible experiences. Tragic ending.

If you want something in life,
reach out and grab it.

I, too, often feel stuck, wishing I could have go out and have a great adventure. For the most part I've lived by the rules. I've done what was expected.

Unfortunately this movie reveals the harsh reality that great adventures don't always end well.

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What shall be our legacy?

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What will our children say?

Let them say of me:
I was one who believed
In sharing the blessings I received.

Let me know in my heart
when my days are through
I gave my best to you.

- Gene Scheer
American Anthem

I've now watched the first five episodes of The War (thanks to my DVR). I'm amazed at the story. Not because of how significant it was in shaping the current world, nor because of the enormous amount of carnage and destruction. But because I know so little about it.

My own father was in the US military between 1941 and 1946. I think he served in the South Pacific as a pilot. And that's all I know. He never talked about. If he had any photos, or souvenirs, I never saw them. Unfortunately, he's now deceased.

I asked my mother this week what she knew about my father's military service. They met in 1943 and got married in 1946. She said that she doesn't know any more than I do. She said that he never talked about it.

- - - - -

PS. I'm in love with the song American Anthem. And with Nora Jones. If you're not familiar with it, take two minutes and ten seconds to watch the above video clip. Now.

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"Ain't that the fuckin life?"

[Neil Klugman, 23, and a librarian at the Newark Public Library, had volunteered to go check on the young Negro boy that shortly before had stopped at the first-floor information desk and asked about the location of the art books. The other librarians were suspicious that this little boy, supposedly like others, hid in the stacks and did things that caused “warts on their dirty little hands.”]

Up on Stack Three I found the boy. He was seated on the glass-brick floor holding an open book in his lap, a book, in fact, that was bigger than his lap and had to be propped up by his knees. By the light of the window behind him I could see the hundreds of spaces between the hundreds of tiny black corkscrews that were his hair. He was very black and shiny, and the flesh of his lips did not so much appear to be a different color as it looked to be unfinished and awaiting another coat. The lips were parted, the eyes wide, and even the ears seemed to have a heightened receptivity. He looked ecstatic – until he saw me, that is.

“Hey, mister,” the boy said after a minute, “where is this?”

“Where is what.”

“Where is these pictures? These people, man, they sure does look cool. They ain’t no yelling or shouting here, you could just see it.”

He lifted the book so I could see. It was an expensive large-sized edition of Gauguin reproductions. The page he had been looking at showed an 8 ½ x 11 print, in color, of three native women standing knee-high in a rose-colored stream. It was a silent picture, he was right.

“That’s Tahiti. That’s an island in the Pacific Ocean.”

“That ain’t no place you could go, is it? Like a ree-sort?”

“You could go there, I suppose. It’s very far. People live there …”

“Hey, look, look here at this one.” He flipped back to a page where a young brown-skinned maid was leaning forward on her knees, as though to dry her hair. “Man,” the boy said, “that’s the fuckin life.” The euphoria of his diction would have earned him eternal banishment from the Newark Public Library and its branches had John or Mr. Scapello – or, God forbid, the hospitalized Miss Winney – come to investigate.

“Who took these pictures?” he asked me.

“Gauguin. He didn’t take them, he painted them. Paul Gauguin. He was a Frenchman.”

“Is he a white man or a colored man?”

“He’s white.”

“Man,” the boy smiled, chuckled almost, “I knew that. He don’t take pictures like no colored men would. He’s a good picture taker … Look, look, look here at this one. Ain’t that the fuckin life?”

- Philip Roth, Goodbye Columbus, 1959.

* * *

I first saw the movie Goodbye Columbus when I was seventeen years old, during the summer before my senior year in high school. By the time I was nineteen I think I had seen it thirteen times. And read the book two or three times. I had the dialogue of all the characters committed to memory.

Why did this movie make such an impact on me? I think that – more than any other movie that I’d seen at the time – Goodbye Columbus represented all that I thought (at the time) was good … or rather ...

“Ain’t that the fuckin life!" ... Why?

4 The sex. Premarital sex. Particularly Brenda and Neil having sex in the shower. Probably about two-thirds of Goodbye Columbus is about sex. At the time it was as close to porn as I'd ever experienced.

4 Ali McGraw. I was in love with her at the time.

4 Brenda Patimkin was sassy, smart, spoiled, playful, beautiful, and went to Radcliffe. If a nerd like Neil Klugman could get a girl this, there was hope for me.

4 Life centered around the country club.

4 Tennis

4 In the movie, Ron Patimkin, after working out and taking a shower, would hang his jockstrap on the back of the bathroom door to dry – right where everybody could see it. I was awe struck by this. (In the book, he hung his "supports" on the shower nozzle.)

4 “Goodbye Columbus” referred to graduating from Ohio State in Columbus, Ohio. This was significant because I, too, went to a Big-Ten university.

4 Ron Patimkin went to work for his father’s company and was expected to work his way up from the loading dock to a vice president. That would take a few weeks.

4 Like my family, the Patimkin’s would eat au naturel in the dining room, served by a Negro maid.

4 Brenda’s great retort to Gloria Feldman, a guest at her brother’s wedding reception.

GLORIA: Well, our little Radcliffe smarty, what have you been doing all summer?
BRENDA: Growing a penis.

4 Music by The Association. Yes, I still have the soundtrack on vinyl, as well as a latter-issued CD.

4 The book actually used the word fucking. It was the first time I recall having read it in print. Remember, I grew up in the Bible belt, not New Jersey. (In the movie the dialogue did not use the word fucking. The young black boy simply said, "Ain't that the life?")

* * *

But more than anything else, the biggest connection I had to this movie came in the final scene. To me it was the corollary to the parable of the prodigal son.

Brenda, back at school in the fall after her summer of sex with Neil, receives two letters from her parents. Her mother had found Brenda’s diaphragm in her bottom drawer, under some sweaters. In the letter from her mother, Mrs. Patimkin wrote, “You have broken your parents’ hearts and you should know that. This is some thank you for all we gave you.” In the letter from her father, Brenda reads, “I am willing to forgive and call Buy Gones Buy Gones. … believe me I am not going to start hating my own flesh and blood.”

After Brenda shows the letters to Neil, they began discussing what she will do for the Thanksgiving holidays. Both of Brenda parents trust that she will never again see Neil Klugman. Her father suggests she bring home her college roommate.

“Brenda, the choices aren’t mine.” Neil states. “You can bring Linda or me. You can go home or not go home. That’s another choice. Then you don’t even have to worry about choosing between me or Linda.”

Brenda replied, “Neil, you don’t understand. They’re still my parents. They did send me to the best schools, didn’t they? They have given me everything I’ve wanted, haven’t they? Then how can I not go home? I have to go home.”

And that’s why I still call my mother every day.

* * *

We offer ourselves
to you then, world,
and come to you in search of Life.

- From the closing statement
in the commemorative record, Goodbye Columbus,
given to graduating seniors of Ohio State.

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Beach? What beach?

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* * *

On the road (?) again ...

My best friend from first grade (yes, the same guy that I went on the road trip with a couple of months ago) has finally convinced me to go on a sailing trip with him. He's somewhat of a sailing fanatic; regularly sailing to Bermuda from St. Thomas or Newport. I on the other hand, do not do well in the big open water. My two experiences with deep sea fishing in the Gulf of Mexico both produced severe cases of sea sickness. We're talking about non-stop projectile vomiting for hours.

However he's put together a trip that he promises to be relatively pastoral. He's recruited me and two other buddies. We're going to be sailing through Long Island Sound and then continuing to Martha's Vineyard, where we'll meet up with my my friend's wife and kids for a week in Edgartown. The sail each way will take about two and a half days (we will anchor at night).

I'm going to be in charge of provisions (aka food and booze). Even though I'm looking forward to this task, it's not going to be easy. I usually avoid carbs at all cost, particularly cereal, bread, donuts, salty snacks, pasta, potatoes, cakes and cookies. I also do not eat mushrooms nor beans. My best friend from first grade does not eat fruit. One of his friends that's going to be joining us is a crunchy-granola vegetarian; I hear his favorite thing for breakfast is raw cauliflower. The fourth guy I've never met, and I know nothing about him.

Anyone have any menu suggestions?

I leave home next Thursday to meet up with the group in NYC. Friday we'll prep for the trip and then set sail on Saturday.

Here are a couple of photos of his boat, including "my" kitchen.

I was a band nerd.

Or, there is always the alternative:

I was a band geek.

Why is there such a negative label placed on students in band? Particularly when music is such a significant part of almost every one's life.


Yes, I was in the band. Starting with the fourth-grade tonette band, through two years in college. It was a lot of work, but it was an fantastic experience. It helped me develop my leadership skills: I was drum major one year. I got some of the best seats at football games. I got to travel, including an incredible trip to Venezuela. I made a lot of close friends.

I'd like to say that I am proud of the experience. But you know, it's really hard to be proud of something when the majority of references are derogatory.

* * * * *

Another favorite movie of mine is Mr. Holland's Opus. It honors not just those in band, but band directors too. (If coaches are somehow put on a pedestal, band directors are seen as the ultimate nerd.)

The man who composed the score for this movie, and particularly "An American Symphony," was Michael Kamen. Following his involvement in scoring the movie, he was a founder of the Mr. Holland's Opus Foundation which supports music education in American schools through the supply and maintenance of free musical instruments.

Long live band geeks! I believe you help make the world a better place to live.

And I'd like to offer my personal thanks to my band directors: Mr. Martinez, Mr. Atwood, Mr. Dashier and Mr. Wright

* * * * *

More than anything else, this experience -- being called a nerd or a geek for as long as I can remember -- gives me a sense what Pride Month is all about. It's the ability to say, "So what?"

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Road Trips

Last weekend I went to Vermont to spend the weekend with my friend that I recently went on the road trip with. (And yes, we rode around in the white pickup truck with the Texas plates again for a few days.)

Saturday night, his sixteen year old daughter wanted to see Little Miss Sunshine. And while he wasn't very excited about letting her see an "R" rated movie, I convinced him that it was a good story, with socially redeeming value, and that the language was nothing that his daughter doesn't hear regularly in school. I'm not sure he gave in, but we rented it anyway.



Seeing this movie again, I was reminded about the following life lessons:

1.

"Little Miss" pageants are indeed very creepy.

2.

Multi-generational family car trips can be a good thing.

3.

Learning to drive a standard shift transmission is not a good thing when you're frustrated and in a hurry.

4.

Suicidal gay uncles can possibly be the most sane member of the family.

5.

Having an affair with your student and/or teacher is rarely a good thing.

6.

If you're going to dedicate yourself to a vow silence, you need to make sure the cause is real.

7.

Too much of a "good thing" can kill you.

8.

You can just take a certain amount of motivational speakers before they get on your nerves.

9.

It's always OK to eat ice cream.
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No booze! No sex! No drugs!... No way!

- Deloris Van Cartier (Sister Mary Clarence)

Sometimes I just want a "feel good" movie. Nothing too deep. Just something to make me smile, and laugh, and sing.

These two movies always fit the bill.


I can't tell you how many times I've seen them. Lots.
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Home is where the heart is.

Nazareth Hospital

Thirty-one days ago, I walked into a large tin can with rockets attached to either side and was propelled on an adventure. Last night, shortly before midnight, a similar vehicle returned me to Western NY.

In between I traveled some 13,000 miles. By car, truck, train, subway, Gator, big jet, little jet, and on foot. One day I got on a boat, but didn’t go anywhere.

I slept on couches, in guest rooms, basements, low-cost motels, and one of the nicest five-star hotels I’ve ever been in.

Meals, too, ran the gamut. From vending machines, to fine dining. Obviously I had more meals “out” during the last month than home-cooked meals. I even visited a few bars.

What did I most discover?

Home is not where the body lives,
but where the heart lives.

I was at home just traveling with my best friend from first grade. He probably knows more about me than anyone else ... and I, him. Yet, during the last month I even learned some things I didn’t know before. Secrets never revealed. Feelings never verbalized.

While we didn’t meet until we were six, we were both born in the same room within 30 days of each other. Interestingly we’re not alike at all. Very, very different lives and experiences. Yet, I suspect, we’ll always remain extremely respectful and loyal.

I was at home when I drove by the hospital in which I was born, even though it has been closed for over thirty years. When I was born, it was the only hospital in town, run by the Sisters of Nazareth. Incredibly strange for a small rural town in Texas with fewer than one hundred Catholic families.

I was at home when I visited my grade school, now an “alternative school for disturbed children.” It’s an eerie feeling to return to your first grade classroom with a friend that you actually met there. I've got vivid memories of the play ground, the annual "pet show," and watching Little Match Girl in the school auditorium every Christmas for six years.

I was at home when I met a former business associate for coffee in New York City. It was a chance to catch up; it had been way too long. Why do we so easily loose touch with so many friends?

I was at home visiting my father’s grave in Atlanta. It’s next to those of my grandfather, my grandmother and my aunt. I heard that there are eight vacant plots close by which some other family wants to sell. They were purchased in the 1930’s but never used. I told my cousin to check it out.

I was at home the day I drove my eighty-three year old uncle 290 miles to meet my eighty-two year old aunt – my uncle’s sister – for lunch. After we ate pot roast and fried chicken at a roadside diner near Hamilton, we sat at a picnic table under the pine trees and talked about how our family has stayed connected even though we rarely get the opportunity to see each other in person.

I was at home returning to Chicago, a city I only lived in for three years after college. Yet it probably represented the best years of my life. A time of independence, self-discovery and spirituality.

I was at home eating burgers at both The Varsity and The Billy Goat Tavern. I love their burgers, and the ambiance, both very distinctive. But I love the memories of eating there in years past with family and friends even more. I hope these two places never close.

I’m also at home listening to the music from Schindler’s List. It’s both peaceful, and disturbing.

- - - -

Last night I slept in “my bed.” But it wasn’t home.

- - - -

Am I a sap, or what?

How much are you willing to suffer?

(NOTE: Inspired by the Oscars, I've decided that, once a week, I'm going to try to share a movie that has made a significant impact on me. If nothing else, this will expose you to some of my idiosyncrasies.)

I was in Enid, Oklahoma, with a group from school. We had a free afternoon, and went to see They Shoot Horses, Don't They?

I'll never forget the line. Or the despair.

Viewing "They Shoot Horses, Don't They?" is like rubbernecking a horrific traffic accident, or watching a train wreck. The images, no matter how painful, are too disturbing to turn away. This movie documents the depression era pathos by showing us a glimpse of a group of dance-marathon contestants battling it out for a winner-take-all purse. Their lives become symbolic of their efforts in the marathon: inexorable pain, constant cramping, and a constant questioning of just "why live in all this misery?" ... The film is stunning in capturing the simple struggle of humanity; it's a must-see, but only once!!!

- Review by Joe Wade Smith

* * * * *

I felt the music was mesmerizing, too.

• "EASY COME, EASY GO"
Music by Johnny Green
Lyrics by Edward Heyman
Sung by Lynn Willis

• "SWEET SUE JUST YOU"
Music by Victor Young
Lyrics by Will J. Harris

• "PARADISE"
Music by Nacio Herb Brown
Lyrics by Gordon Clifford

• "COQUETTE"
Music by Johnny Green
Lyrics by E.Y. Harburg

• "THE JAPANESE SANDMAN"
Music by Richard A. Whiting
Lyrics by Ray Egan

• "BY THE BEAUTIFUL SEA"
Music by Harry Carroll
Lyrics by Harold Atteridge

• "CAN-CAN"
from Orpheus In Hades
Written by Jacques Offenbach

• "BETWEEN THE DEVIL AND THE DEEP BLUE SEA"
Music by Harold Arlen
Lyrics by Ted Koehler

• "THE BEST THINGS IN LIFE ARE FREE"
Written by Buddy G. DeSylva, Lew Brown and Ray Henderson
Sung by Bonnie Bedelia

• "BODY AND SOUL"
Music by Johnny Green
Lyrics by Edward Heyman, Frank Eyton and Robert Sour

• "BROTHER CAN YOU SPARE A DIME?"
Music by Jay Gorney
Lyrics by E.Y. Harburg

• "I COVER THE WATERFRONT"
Music by Johnny Green
Lyrics by Edward Heyman

• "I FOUND A MILLION DOLLAR BABY"
Music by Harry Warren
Lyrics by Billy Rose and Mort Dixon

• "OUT OF NOWHERE"
Music by Johnny Green
Lyrics by Edward Heyman

• "CALIFORNIA, HERE I COME"
Written by Buddy G. DeSylva, Joseph Meyer and Al Jolson

• "I'M YOURS"
Music by Johnny Green
Lyrics by E.Y. Harburg

* * * * *

In case you haven't yet seen this movie, here's the trailer:

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A Case for Tolerance

(NOTE: Inspired by the Oscars, I've decided that, once a week, I'm going to try to share a movie that has made a significant impact on me. If nothing else, this will expose you to some of my idiosyncrasies.)

A few weeks ago, David commented ”what about all time favorite????”

That’s tough, I’m not sure that I have an all time favorite. But I can easily say that as far as Jack Nicholson movies go, there’s one that I believe is As Good As It Gets.

Why? I love the characters. All of them.
- The obsessive-compulsive, cantankerous, racist, homophobic writer
- The harried, single mom just trying to take care of her seriously ill son
- The cutest gay next-door neighbor ever
- The flaming art dealer
- The emotionally conflicted homosexual hustler
- The doctor willing to do what his wife told him to do
- The neurotic dog

I also like the message.

I think most people are like Mr. Udall in that they don’t like to be outside of their comfort zone. Maybe we’re not all that obsessive about it. Maybe we are.

But this movie reinforces the fact (at least to me) that when you connect with someone else ... when you reach out and do something good for someone else ... when you start caring for someone else more than yourself ... it makes your own life so much better. You always get something unexpected in return.

When was the last time you took dinner to your neighbor? Or pulled strings to help someone else? Or just made a special music mix to make a road trip more enjoyable?

Unfortunately, if you're like me, it's probably been too long.

* * *

Memorable Quotes:

Melvin Udall [to Verdell the dog]: Don't be like me. Don't you be like me!

Melvin [introducing Carol to Simon]: Carol the waitress, Simon the fag.

Frank Sachs: I grew up in hell! My grandmother has more attitude than you!
Melvin Udall: People who talk in metaphors oughta shampoo my crotch.



Frank Sachs: If there's a mental health organization that raises money for people like you, be sure to let me know.


Melvin: Can I ask you a personal question?
Simon: Sure.
Melvin: You ever get an erection over a woman?
Simon: Melvin...
Melvin: I mean, wouldn't your life be easier if you weren't...
Simon: You consider your life easy?
[long pause]
Melvin: All right, I give you that one.


Carol: Have you ever let a romantic moment make you do something that you knew was stupid?


Simon Bishop: I love you.
Melvin Udall: I tell you, buddy... I'd be the luckiest man alive if that did it for me.

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It's Strictly a Laugh Affair

(NOTE: Inspired by the Oscars, I've decided that, once a week, I'm going to try to share a movie that has made a significant impact on me. If nothing else, this will expose you to some of my idiosyncrasies.)

I grew up in two small towns. During the school year, we lived in Texas. During the summer we lived in Colorado.

In both places, we only had one movie theater. And I have distinctive memories of each place.

The movie theater in Texas was named The Grand. It was very much like the movie theater idolized in The Last Picture Show (which was filmed in Archer City, 75 miles away from my home town). The Grand was probably built in the ‘30s and had a unique art deco feel. There were lots of sculptural relief plaster moldings, inside and out, with strong geometric lines. The Grand was the last (or first, depending on your perspective) commercial building on main street. Inside the lobby was the small concession stand, with the men’s room on the right and the ladies room on the left. The auditorium had a large center section, two aisles and smaller side sections. The theater also had a balcony, which until desegregation took hold, was where the blacks were expected to sit.

Going to The Grand wasn’t as much about the movie as it was about having something to do on Saturday. I would usually go with other kids that lived in the neighborhood or my big brother. First stop inside was always the concession stand. My favorite items were Charms® suckers – particularly blueberry – and “hot” Dr Pepper®, served in polystyrene foam cups with a lemon wedge. Some days, I had Milk Duds®.

In this small Texas town we only got what they call “second-run” movies. And for all the movies I saw at The Grand, I can't remember much about any specific movie. (In high school we’d go to the big city with dates to see "first-run" movies months before they’d ever make it to our small town.)

The movies at The Grand changed twice a week, on Sundays and on Thursdays. Family-oriented, or rather kid-friendly, movies ran Thursday through Saturday. Any movie that had a “more adult” theme of course only played Sunday through Wednesday, when kids were to either be in church or in school.

I’m not exactly sure how we usually got downtown, or how we got back home. I’m assuming a parent would drop us off, and we would later call them to come pick us up. Or we’d just walk. While my family lived close to the edge of town, it was less than two miles away.

Interestingly, it never seemed to matter when the movie started. If you got there during the middle of the movie, you’d just stay until you’d watch the first part later. And on Saturdays, there were always cartoons before the movie. Often, we’d sit through the movie long enough to watch the cartoons twice. I remember that we seemed to roam the theater, sitting in several seats. Sometimes we would sit in the balcony too.

In Colorado the movie theater was The Park, a large white wooden building with red trim and green neon lights. It sat across the street from the old post office, a block off main street. (Built in 1913, The Park is supposedly the oldest theater west of the Mississippi that is still in use showing movies.)

We rarely went to the movies during the summer. Instead our days were usually spent at the community swimming pool, playing baseball, or just hiking in the mountains. As kids, we were pretty much free to roam. In back of our house we had a large “dinner bell” mounted on top of eight-foot metal pole. You could hear it throughout the valley, and mother would ring it when it was time to come home.

However, it was here in Colorado, that I can distinctly remember seeing a particular movie. The movie was The Parent Trap.



I’m not sure what made this movie so memorable when I first saw it. Yes, it's funny; as its promotional themeline says: "It's Stricly a Laugh Affair." However, beyond the laughter, there are several themes in The Parent Trap that have greatly influenced me. Some positively, some negatively. Some clearly fictional, some based on reality.

Divorce Sucks

The movie never explains what caused Mitch and Maggie to get divorced or to make the decision that they’d separate the kids and raise them independently – with different last names – never telling them about their sibling. How did this happen? At the time, I didn’t know anybody that was divorced. It wasn’t until three years later that I actually had a friend whose parents divorced. However, I still have real concerns that kids get abandoned when parents get divorced. And in many ways, it still bothers me.

Kids-of-Privilege Live Differently Than Most (Duh !!!)

I’m sure that part of my attraction to this movie were things that I could relate to: horseback riding at the ranch, eating lunch at the country club, flying around the country going to summer camps. (Don't all kids do these things?)

However, this has generally been a very hard thing for me to deal with. Kids of privilege often have a very unhealthy sense of entitlement ... learning that you have to work for things you want doesn’t always come easily. Plus these kids are regularly labeled “snobs” without having any control over the circumstances. Real friends are often few and far between.

What's a worse slur on the playground? "Fag" or "snob?"

Being a Twin Has Unique Advantages

What can I say? I’ve been infatuated with twins since seeing this movie. (And there’s more than I can even begin to talk about here.)

You Can’t Keep Secrets from Your Domestic Help

If you remember (assuming that you also saw this movie), Verbena -- Mitch’s housekeeper/cook -- knew everything, including all family secrets.

I used to hide the first dirty magazine I ever had under my mattress. It wasn’t just a Playboy; it was hard-core porn. One day it disappeared. Nothing was ever said, but I’m sure I know who found it. Lesson learned.

Plus, if you don’t want others to know that you leave skid marks in your underwear, you had better wash your own clothes.

Blonds ARE Dumb

When I saw this movie again - over a decade later while in college - it struck me that this movie is very male-chauvinistic. Vicky, the young blond that is out to marry Mitch for his money, couldn't have been more stereotypical stupid and selfish. The infamous camping trip is a classic "dumb blond" joke. Even though it’s not politically correct, I still love it. (And Disney is supposed to be known for its tolerance!)

* * *

Memorable quote:

Verbena (Ever's Housekeeper): You didn't know what a good thing you had when you had it.
Mitch Evers: Huh?
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Consider It Education

(NOTE: Inspired by the Oscars, I've decided that, once a week, I'm going to try to share a movie that has made a significant impact on me. If nothing else, this will expose you to some of my idiosyncrasies.)

I couldn’t write about my friend Dan last week without thinking about the time he took me to see the most disturbing 92 minutes of black and white celluloid I’ve ever experienced. It was Tuesday, November 1, 1994. Dan, another co-worker that I’d just met, and I were in Los Angeles, hanging out at the Virgin Megastore on Sunset Blvd. when Dan said, “Hey, guys, there’s an independent movie playing upstairs I want to see. I heard it was produced for less than $27,000, but it won a couple of awards in Cannes.”

Dan, who never missed an issue of Variety, was always the ring leader when it came to choosing entertainment. We went.

I remember the theater only had about fifty people in it – strange for a movie in West Hollywood. The three of us sat in the middle of the theater, with an empty seat between each of us.

Clerks had only been released two weeks earlier. I knew nothing about it.

* * *

Clerks Plot Summary: A day in the lives of two convenience clerks named Dante and Randal as they annoy customers, discuss movies, and play hockey on the store roof.

* * *

Not only are the characters NOT individuals that I’d ever want to become close personal friends with, but the babble about schmokin weed, hermaphroditic porn, and sex with the dead was just too much for me to assimilate into my sense of reality.

Call me conservative. I’m sure that if my grade school had had a (very) Young Republicans club, I would have been a member. But I don’t consider myself a prude, nor naive. I’ve tried it all, at least once.

However, there is more cussing per line of copy in Clerks than in any movie I’ve ever seen. Is this the way everybody talks in New Jersey? Other than the word damn, I rarely cuss. And NEVER in mixed company, nor around children.

I can’t believe that this movie will be on TV three times during the next two weeks.

-> Monday, March 12 – 8:30 PM – TMC
-> Friday, March 16 – 11:30 PM – TMC
-> Wednesday, March 21 – 1:00 AM – TMC

How do they bleep out that much copy? If you watch it, let me know.

* * *

I always try to look at the good side of things. And there were three things I learned from Clerks:

1) I have no desire to go to the Quick Stop or RST Video store in Leonardo, NJ.

2) I learned about the practice of snowballing.

3) It’s extremely awkward going to a controversial movie with a co-worker that you don’t know very well.

After the movie, we went to Barney’s Beanery on Santa Monica for burgers. I sat silent. Nothing to say.

The next night we went to see The Shawshank Redemption at Mann's Chinese Theatre in Hollywood. I loved it.

* * *

Memorable quote from Clerks:

Dante Hicks [after a customer got his hand stuck in a can of Pringles]: A word of advice, my friend. Sometimes you gotta let those hard-to-reach chips go.

Hey, it was the only line without f**k, s**t, or a**hole that I liked.

And, no, I did not see Clerks II. I did call Dan last July to see if he was going. He wasn’t either. At least that’s what he told me.
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Eye Candy

(NOTE: Inspired by the Oscars, I've decided that, once a week, I'm going to try to share a movie that has made a significant impact on me. If nothing else, this will expose you to some of my idiosyncrasies.)

No Laws. No Limits.
One Rule. Never Fall In Love.

I think I first heard of the term "eye candy" from my friend Dan. He's a commercial producer/creative director with incredible taste and a great eye for all that's trendy. Dan and I worked together for about ten years, and regularly traveled together on business. When out-of-town and our work day was done, there were several things we would often do: eat at hip restaurants, shop in tony boutiques (me for ties, Dan for shoes), go see movies, hang out in music stores and look at eye candy. To Dan, no matter where we were, there was a lot eye candy at which to look: beautiful people, beautiful scenery and beautiful things. Usually everyday late in the afternoon, you'd start hearing Dan say, "Let's finish up here so we can go find some eye candy."

Some movies you watch, others you experience.

In 2001, Moulin Rouge! became my classic eye candy movie. I told Dan that I thought it was a "visual orgy." The elaborate scenery and costumes. The colorful characters. The motion. The music. The sexual energy. I couldn't, and still can't, get enough of this movie.

Because of Moulin Rouge! I became a big fan of 19th century Paris and the Moulin Rouge; courtesans and absinthe; Ewan McGregor and Nicole Kidman; and of course everything Baz Luhrmann and Catherine Martin.

Nominated for Best Picture of the Year in 2001, Moulin Rouge! lost the Oscar to A Beautiful Mind, another gripping story, but definitely not eye candy. However, Moulin Rouge! did win Academy Awards for Best Art Direction and Best Costume Design. Recognition that I believe it more than earned.

(I could go on forever about the music in this movie, too! One Day I'll Fly Away, Elephant Love Medley, Come What May and El Tango De Roxanne are favorites.)

Favorite quotes from Moulin Rouge!:

Toulouse-Lautrec: The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.

Christian: I prefer to do it standing. You don't have to stand, I mean. It's sometimes that... It's quite long and I'd like you to be comfortable. It's quite modern what I do and it may feel a little strange at first, but I think, if you're open, then you might enjoy it.

Satine: You're going to be bad for business. I can tell.


This is one of the movies that I consider better than sex.

. . .

A Little Pig Goes A Long Way

(NOTE: Inspired by the Oscars, I've decided that, once a week, I'm going to try to share a movie that has made a significant impact on me. If nothing else, this will expose you to some of my idiosyncrasies.)

This is a tale about an unprejudiced heart, and how it changed our valley forever. There was a time not so long ago when pigs were afforded no respect, except by other pigs; they lived their whole lives in a cruel and sunless world. In those days pigs believed that the sooner they grew large and fat, the sooner they'd be taken into Pig Paradise, a place so wonderful that no pig had ever thought to come back.

- Opening line in the film, Babe (1995)

All kinds of species live on the Hoggett farm. Each animal has a job to do, tries to do it well and knows his or her place in the world. They aim to keep their owners happy, but understandably, the pressure to avoid becoming Christmas dinner can make an animal do some pretty outlandish things. Babe's approach to barnyard life is different from all the others, and as we humans know, life can be more challenging, but all the sweeter, for the pig who marches to the tune of a different drummer.

- MovieWeb Review

First, just let me say that I cry -- big time -- every time I see Babe. (Like I do at many movies, really.) This movie pulls all my strings. I'm a sucker for 1) the good guys, 2) the underdog, 3) seeing someone stick their neck out and try to do something new, and 4) a winner. Babe is it! He's innocent, sweet, naive and open; he wants to be a sheep dog; and manages to win the Grand National sheep herding contest by befriending the sheep.

Also, I think I'm a lot like farmer Arthur Hoggett (played by James Cromwell). I'm rather low-key; I don't always have a lot to say. I play by the rules. But like Arthur Hoggett, I have no problem taking advantage of any loop hole.

I first had this move on VHS. It was the first movie I ever bought as a DVD. (It's not distributed in the US on DVD, and I found it on the Internet.)

Here are a couple of my favorite quotes from the movie:

Ferdinand (the duck): I suppose the life of an anorexic duck doesn't amount to much in the broad scheme of things.

Fly (the dog): All right, how did you do it?
Babe: I asked them and they did it. I just asked them nicely.
Fly: We don't ask sheep, dear; we tell them what to do.
Babe: But I did, Mom. They were really friendly.

Babe: Move along there, ya... big butt heads!

(This line always makes me giggle.)

Narrator: And though every single human in the stands or in the commentary boxes was at a complete loss for words, the man who in his life had uttered fewer words than any of them knew exactly what to say.
Farmer Hoggett: That'll do, pig. That'll do.

(And at this part of the movie, I'm a basket case. Where's the Kleenex?)

Other great quotes from Babe can be found here.
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Hey, it's nice to meet you.

Thanks for stopping by. Really I guess you just followed the link here from one of my random comments.

You’re probably asking, “Who’s Paul? What’s up with this guy?” I know this doesn’t give you much in the way of answers, but I’m pretty much an open book. If you have a question, don’t hesitate to leave a comment or send me an e-mail. I promise you’ll hear back from me promptly.