Monday, February 26, 2007

A Little Pig Goes A Long Way

(NOTE: Inspired by the Oscars, I've decided that, once a week, I'm going to try to share a movie that has made a significant impact on me. If nothing else, this will expose you to some of my idiosyncrasies.)


This is a tale about an unprejudiced heart, and how it changed our valley forever. There was a time not so long ago when pigs were afforded no respect, except by other pigs; they lived their whole lives in a cruel and sunless world. In those days pigs believed that the sooner they grew large and fat, the sooner they'd be taken into Pig Paradise, a place so wonderful that no pig had ever thought to come back.
- Opening line in the film, Babe (1995)
All kinds of species live on the Hoggett farm. Each animal has a job to do, tries to do it well and knows his or her place in the world. They aim to keep their owners happy, but understandably, the pressure to avoid becoming Christmas dinner can make an animal do some pretty outlandish things. Babe's approach to barnyard life is different from all the others, and as we humans know, life can be more challenging, but all the sweeter, for the pig who marches to the tune of a different drummer.

First, just let me say that I cry -- big time -- every time I see Babe. (Like I do at many movies, really.) This movie pulls all my strings. I'm a sucker for 1) the good guys, 2) the underdog, 3) seeing someone stick their neck out and try to do something new, and 4) a winner. Babe is it! He's innocent, sweet, naive and open; he wants to be a sheep dog; and manages to win the Grand National sheep herding contest by befriending the sheep.

Also, I think I'm a lot like farmer Arthur Hoggett (played by James Cromwell). I'm rather low-key; I don't always have a lot to say. I play by the rules. But like Arthur Hoggett, I have no problem taking advantage of any loop hole.

I first had this move on VHS. It was the first movie I ever bought as a DVD. (It's not distributed in the US on DVD, and I found it on the Internet.)

Here are a couple of my favorite quotes from the movie:

Ferdinand (the duck): I suppose the life of an anorexic duck doesn't amount to much in the broad scheme of things.

Fly (the dog): All right, how did you do it?
Babe: I asked them and they did it. I just asked them nicely.
Fly: We don't ask sheep, dear; we tell them what to do.
Babe: But I did, Mom. They were really friendly.

Babe: Move along there, ya... big butt heads!

(This line always makes me giggle.)

Narrator: And though every single human in the stands or in the commentary boxes was at a complete loss for words, the man who in his life had uttered fewer words than any of them knew exactly what to say.
Farmer Hoggett: That'll do, pig. That'll do.

(And at this part of the movie, I'm a basket case. Where's the Kleenex?)

Other great quotes from Babe can be found here.
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Friday, February 23, 2007

"I show everybody my KnuttSak!!"

- Jack Diesing, Grosse Point Woods, MI







This post all started with Newsweek. Earlier today I was browsing through the current issue and ran across the article “Need a Lift?” – an article about men who sip soy lattes and wear soy shorts from 2xist. Being a man with an interest in underwear – some might say fetish – this caught my attention. After reading the article in the magazine, I went online to see if they had additional commentary. Which, they did.


The first thing I noticed was that Arnie Bautista, an advertising executive from New York, is quoted as spending up to $350 a season on his underwear. That sounded like a lot of money to me, so I thought I would take an inventory of my underwear drawer to see how much I spend. Or rather, have spent – knowing that I don’t buy my underwear “each season.”

So here’s the count (unless I happened to miss any that are lost behind the dryer):

* 18 pairs of Polo® boxers. Mostly stripes and plaids in bright or pastel colors. Three packages still unopened. Obviously, my day-to-day staple. Cost: $18.50 a pair.


* 1 pair of orange low-rise Polo® briefs. $9.00

* 3 pair Vineyard Vines® boxers. $125.00 for the boxed set. Two in blue, one pink. These were received as a gift this last Christmas. I’ve never spent this much on underwear personally. But, I must admit, that the fabric IS amazingly soft.

* 4 pair of gray Jockey® low-rise, no-fly briefs. These came in a package of three for $12.00.

* 1 pair of lemon aussieBum undies. A great color, vibrant yellow. Not a great fit. $13.59 USD plus shipping from Australia.

* 1 pair white no-brand-name boxers. Picked up from a clearance rack. For some reason – that I can’t remember anymore – I needed a pair of white underwear. $2.99

* 1 Safe-T-Gard® jockstrap. $7.95

* 1 pair blue/gray boxerbriefs from Dockers®. These originally came two to a package for $16.00. I must have lost the other pair.

* 1 pair while Calvin Klein® boxer briefs. Borrowed from a friend. Never returned. (Don't ask unless you REALLY want to know.) Retail value: $16.00

* 2 pair GAP® boxers. Bright, colorful plaids. Purchased on a business trip after Delta failed to put my luggage on the same plane as me. Way, way too roomy; rarely worn. 2 for $20.00

Total investment: $495.53 – a little less than five hundred bucks.

Overall, I wasn’t too surprised. I obviously spend more than some guys that buy seven-pair packages of Hanes® briefs at Wal*Mart – SPECIAL TODAY! Buy 5 pair and get 2 extra pair for free. But, I’m far below Arnie. (By the way, how many underwear seasons are there in a year?)

A few other comments:


While inspecting my own underwear drawer, I happened to notice that most of my underwear was made in Honduras. I know that Honduras is a pretty small country. How have they become the underwear-making center of the world? I imagine that there are large factories, and large warehouses, in Honduras with nothing but skivvies. I’d guess that the men in Honduras get first pick on the latest styles and colors. For me that would be a great perk.

Newsweek reports that the real advancement in men’s undies is in technology. (Isn’t everything?) With “environmentally friendly” fabric made from soybean fibers, and new construction that provides enhanced support. I’ve known about the “sling” briefs from C-in2 for a couple of years; I haven’t tried them yet. I’ve also seen a lot of promotion for the new Patriot briefs from aussieBum. They claim on their website that these attention-grabbing, all-cotton Wonderjock briefs will have you seriously looking bigger and feeling amazing. Again, I haven’t yet tried them, but I know that jetboy747 has a pair. I could ask him how they perform.

In both the magazine article and the online article Newsweek indicates that Jockey is “weaning gents from two industry standards: the color white, and the fly.” I don’t know about you, but I’ve been weaned away from white for a long time. The last three-pack of classic white briefs I bought from Jockey was in 1984. But, as to the fly/no-fly trend, you can see from my inventory above that 86% of my underwear has a fly. (Who ever saw a jock with a fly, anyway?) I’d guess that I use the fly probably 95% of the time. Please don’t take that feature away from me.

So what about KnuttSaks? When I looked online for the "Need a Lift?" article at MSNBC.com, a banner ad magically appeared inviting me to checkout the latest product offering from this company. And yes, I followed the link. While I liked the name – I find it rather amusing – it appears that the only style is boxerbriefs (not my favorite) and they only come in black (not my color). Further, the KnuttSak website indicates that this brand is ideal for NASCAR fans. Which, I’m not.

So, that’s my story. Yours?

Have a good day.

Thursday, February 22, 2007

Some people, you just can't fool.

It's the day before Thanksgiving, and the butcher is just locking up when a man begins pounding on the front door.

"Please let me in," says the man desperately. "I forgot to buy a turkey, and my wife is going to kill me if I don't come home with one."

"Okay," says the butcher. "Let me see what I have left."

He goes into the freezer and discovers that there's only one scrawny turkey left. He brings it out to show the man.

"That's one is too skinny. What else you got?" says the man.

The butcher takes the bird back into the freezer and waits a few minutes and brings the same turkey back out to the man.

"Oh, no," says the man, "That one doesn't look any better. You better give me both of them!"

- Thanks, Professor.

And here's a link to
another of the Professor's posts
that made me laugh out loud.
He and I seem to get the
same e-mail.

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Monday, February 19, 2007

Do any human beings ever realize life ...

... while they live it? — every, every minute?
- Emily (Thornton Wilder)

I went to see Our Town yesterday. Now there's a poignant tear-jerker!
I'd never seen, nor even read, this play before.

I'm sure that if I would have seen it when I was younger, it would have gone right over my head. However, now being closer to death than birth, I guess it's just too real not to be sad.

Why do we, as humans, waste great opportunities at every moment?

Sunday, February 18, 2007

Some of our stories fade as we grow older

Some get sweeter every time they're told

- Chris Gaines
That's the Way I Remember It



UPDATE: And thanks for the corollary comments:

Some of the best ones are ones that never happened!
- Dan
Some of the bitter ones grow sweeter as they mellow.
- Joe
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Thursday, February 15, 2007

There's nothing like getting caught with your pants down.










Thanks to Spider, who led me to Kendall, who just recently linked to Mike, who's linked to The Male Celebrity Picspam. I have no idea how I first met Spider, but I'm glad I know him.

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Valentine's Day


Thanks to my purely-platonic crush Joe, I found this graphic on the blog of his friend’s friend, where I thought it was out-of-character for such a nice lady, but funny at the same time.

I would hope that this isn't seen as chauvinistic. I, myself, am guilty of thinking with my penis far too often. It isn't my intention to offend anyone. Particularly on Valentine's Day.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

A sign seen at the sperm bank:

Men, please take your hat
and jacket off.


- Yes, I had to read it out loud before I thought it was funny.

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Sunday, February 11, 2007

Friday, February 09, 2007

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. There's no need to fight over me.

Alan, you're a sweet sensitive guy.
Charlie, you're ... a pig. BUT, I find you very attractive.

There's only one reasonable solution. I'll have to do you both.

- Danielle (Brooke Shield), Two and a Half Men, 2/5/2007

* * * * * * * * * *
Alan takes long showers.
- Charlie
Longer when he's not dating.
- Berta, Two and a Half Men, 2/5/2007


Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Always the joker.


Thanks to Gmail, I was referred to MyPartyShirt.com this morning, where I saw this cartoon.

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Sunday, February 04, 2007

Confession is good for the soul.


UPDATE !!! - SEE LINK AT THE END OF THIS POST.

* * *

I'm amazed. The Google searches that lead to this blog continue.

athletes foot peeing in shower
- 2/4/07, Chula Vista, California
pee shower athletes foot
- 2/2/07, Toronto, Ontario
peeing in the shower helps athlete's foot
- 1/30/07, Thompson, Pennsylvania
does peeing on your feet help athletes foot
- 1/30/07, Hammond, Louisiana
peeing in the shower cure athlete
- 1/27/07, USA (AOL)
peeing
- 1/20/07, Australia

Obviously this is a topic that affects many people. Tell me: Do you (regularly) pee in the shower? Do you have/have you ever had athlete's foot?

Personally ... I do; and I don't/haven't.

* * *

UPDATE (Sunday, August 18, 2007): I continue to regularly get visitors to this blog from a Google search about peeing in the shower. So I decided to go to Google and read what others have also said about the topic. Here's a link from "Inside the Minds of Men" that I think is a good read.


.


A large bowl of apples ...

... sat at the beginning of the cafeteria line in the Catholic grade school. Next to it was a sign:
Take only one apple. God is watching.

At the end of the line was a tray of chocolate chip cookies. Next to it one of the students had placed a sign that said:

Take all the cookies you want.
God is watching the apples.

(And some people wonder where Catholic guilt originates!)

.

Friday, February 02, 2007

Four Ghosts

One night, George W. Bush is tossing restlessly in his White House bed. He awakens to see George Washington standing by him. Bush asks him, "George, what''s the best thing I can do to help the country?"

"Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did," Washington advises, and then fades away...

The next night, Bush is astir again, and sees the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moving through the darkened bedroom. Bush calls out, "Tom, please! What is the best thing I can do to help the country?"

"Respect the Constitution, as I did," Jefferson advises, and dims from sight...

The third night sleep still does not come for Bush. He awakens to see the ghost of FDR hovering over his bed. Bush whispers, "Franklin, What is the best thing I can do to help the country?"

"Help the less fortunate, just as I did," FDR replies and fades into the mist...

Bush isn''t sleeping well the fourth night when he sees another figure moving in the shadows. It is the ghost of Abraham Lincoln. Bush pleads, "Abe, what is the best thing I can do right now to help the country?"

Lincoln replies, "Go see a play."

- Stolen from http://jokes.comedycentral.com

I know that I don't don't normally talk about politics. AND, I even voted for the man. But I did like Lincoln's wit.